Let Go
by Athyra
Summary: [postGSD] No matter what she did, like going back to ZAFT or taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him: either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … [S x L]
1. Chapter 1 Visible Scar

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions._

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

The magenta-head held a special place in his heart. She was someone he could trust, someone to balance his troubled mind. Yet, he still loved _her_; he will never forget _her_. He could never replace the image of _her _innocent face. He knew that someday, like his family and _her_, Luna will suffer too. That's why he must let her go. That's why he could not and should never love Luna... _- Shinn Asuka_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 1 Visible Scar**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

-_C.E. 72, ZAFT Training Academy, PLANT - _

"Here you are, kid, your room is 1244 on the north wing. The real training will start next week. Take it easy and relax until then," a burly Zaft Officer patted a young boy on the back and left.

The boy's burning red orbs glared around the place, his whole body giving off a dangerous aura that made all the passer-bys scatter away from him. He had no luggage, nothing; indeed, he had nothing but a bitter reminder of his family.

He stomped towards his room, deciding to just lie on the bed and...do nothing. It's better to just stare blankly into space, so he wouldn't have to think about his deceased family. He clenched his fists in fury.

_Damn Athha, damn Orb!!_

Shinn Asuka was still scarred from the incident during the Battle of Orb. Whenever he closed his eyes, he would still see, vividly, the dead bodies of his family. Whenever he looked at his hand, he would see it almost clutching the torn limb of his dead sister.

An Orb general had kindly escorted him to the evacuation ship. Some of the refugees were transferred to PLANT, and he was one of them. He lived in the shelters for almost 3 months, without anyone to comfort him, all alone in an unfamiliar place.

After the war ended, he knew he had to remain on PLANT; there was no way he would return to the place that stole his family. He saw an ad encouraging people to join ZAFT, and it was then he made his choice.

Now here he was, his first time seeing the ZAFT academy. The place had a pretty serene aura, light-hearted, and Shinn thought he heard laughters everywhere. People were chatting with their friends, children his age were talking to their parents and siblings. They were all happy.

"Damn you all," he cursed angrily, punching the room on the wall. His room was pretty simple; not too grand but not too uncomfy either. However, it still felt so empty; had he not lived in the refugee shelters before, he would've been swallowed by the terrible sense of loneliness. He no longer had any tears left to cry.

_So, this is how I'm going to live the rest of my life...after graduating, I'd be piloting MS, be assigned to a ship, patrolling regions and stuff. Alone...never...seeing Mom and Dad again, never talking to my sister again...oh why, why did I have to go after Mayu's phone? If I didn't, then I'd be with my family now...at least, I don't have to suffer like this..._

"Ugh, screw my stomach," he scowled in annoyance. Since the rest of the Asuka family's money paid for his expenses, he didn't need to worry about spending money. However, to get food, he had to talk with people - what he desperately wanted to avoid at all cost.

Slamming his door shut, he walked out of the door grumpily, his pride prevented him from asking people directions. It took him awhile, but he still got to the cafeteria. The peachy atmosphere almost made him puke with distaste. How dare they? How dare people be so happy after his family's gruesome death? Or, even, after countless people's sacrifices during the war? How dare they?

Looking at the menu, his gaze softened. "A bowl of ramen...please," he muttered nostalgically. Mayu's favorite food. Mom made the best ramen in the whole world.

"Sure thing, kiddo," the chef had a motherly expression, smiling to him kindly and he almost had the urge to grin back. Almost.

He picked up his food, and his eyes scanned the room for a secluded spot. He really didn't feel like sociallizing, and his wish was granted when he spotted a bench without anyone sitting there.

The ramen tasted delicious, he decided, and was inwardly glad that no one came to disturb him or anything. He supposed his scary expression did its job. When he was about to leave, a bubbly voice reach his ears and he winced.

"Mou, I told you to come early. Now our spot's taken, Mey," a girl with short, magenta hair told a girl with long red hair tied in pigtails.

Shinn frowned; was it him or did the magenta-head's voice sound similar to Mayu? He must be imagining things. _(see note at bottom)_

Sighing, he standing up and muttered brusquely, "I was just about to leave anyways."

The girl had a huge grin on her face, radiating so much cheerfulness Shinn almost had to turn his head away to avoid the blinding'light'.

"Wait a minute, you're new here aren't you? Hey, you're in Class-E, same as us!" The girl exclaimed excitedly, looking at his ID tag. He cursed inwardly, scolding himself for not taking the damn tag off. So, this irritating girl was in his class? Oh gosh, how was he going to take this girl's happy-go-lucky attitude?

"I'm Lunamaria Hawke, and you're...?" She held out a hand for him to shake, but Shinn simply stared at it blankly.

"Shinn Asuka, and don't bother me in the future," he warned rudely, and was about to walk away when he was stopped for the second time.

"What do you want now?" He was barely keeping his voice even. Lunamaria seemed a bit miffed, but she seemed determined.

"Calm down, Shinn, I was just trying to be nice. We're going to be in the same class until graduation, let's get along at least."

"I don't want to get along with the likes of you," he growled warningly, giving her a piercing glare. She stared back without flinching. She put her hands on her waist and glared back.

"Likes of me? Okay, listen here you, I'm not impressed by your attitude so far but don't you think the stick up your ass is a little..." she was pulled back by the other girl. Lunamaria rolled her eyes, "oh come on, Mey, like you're not getting pissed!"

Meyrin threw Shinn a tentative glance, and she quickly hid behind the taller girl when he gave her a dangerous glare.

"Now now, don't go scare my sister you jerk," she glared at him, " if you don't want to be friends, fine, but don't threaten my sister or anything."

"You talk to me first, now I can do whatever the hell I want," he snorted disdainfully, feeling a strange satisfaciton at pissing her off and scaring her sister, " you're the stick that's up my ass right now, and bullying little girls is fun for me, how's that?"

Steam seemed to come out of Lunamaria's ears, "What is wrong with you? I was just introducing myself to you then you went and insult me and my sister. You don't have a sister, do you? Otherwise you won't be such an insensitive jerk!"

Shinn saw red."It's your damn cheerful persona I can't stand damn it!!" he shouted suddenly, and the room went quiet abruptly.

"You...how dare you be so happy without a care in the world? Granted, the war just ended, but think about all the victims of war!! We don't need your 'I'm-perfectly-fine' joy to spread around! Has it ever occurred to you what you said might be true? So what I don't have a sister? So what if I don't know how to interact with people? My sister's friggin' dead, blasted to pieces right in front of my eyes and here you are, lecturing me about my attitude!! You know nothing!"

He glared a the floor and panted hard, sweat sliding down his cheek. The silence was more than uncomfortable. When he looked up, he was surprised to see a sorrowful face. Where did the lively, cheerful face go?

"I'm sorry...I didn't know. You're right, I don't how you feel," she whispered sadly, "but...I do know how it felt, to lose someone dear to you. I'm sorry, Shinn, and I promise I won't bother you again." She bit her lips and left the room hurriedly.

The conversations in the cafeteria resumed gradually, leaving Shinn and Mey, the girl's sister, standing there, rooted to the spot.

Shinn muttered irritably, "Huh, she knows, eh? If she does, she should change that optimistic view of hers first."

"You...don't...Don't ...know...Just stop insulting Onee-chan!" Meyrin glared at him furiously. The girl looked timid, but she stood her ground while he glared back emotionlessly.

"Give me a reason why the hell not. She asked for it."

"You know why everyone seemed so peaceful and content here? It's because they understand Onee-chan's view on war and appreciated her efforts at making things better than it is! Guess what, our parents...d-died during the attack on Boaz." _(See note at bottom)_

Shinn blinked, shocked. What did she say?

"Onee-chan is all I have left. I couldn't deal with it...so for the past months, Onee-chan tried to make it seem normal, trying to help me adjust. She tried to be cheerful whereas I could not. I haven't seen her grieve yet...I often wonder how she felt when she comforted me. I never asked her how she felt about our parents'...deaths..." She stared at the ground, tears spilling down her cheeks and her body shivered slightly.

"I'm sorry," Shinn whispered, and Meyrin looked up in surprise, "I'll go find her now to apologize properly. Like she said, I didn't know anything..."

He quickly ran out of the cafeteria, hoping to see the magenta-head. Again, pride prevented him from asking but luckily, he was able to find her leaning against the window, looking out to the field.

"Hey..." he started, unccertain what he should say next. She hastily wiped her eyes before turning around to face him.

"Ummm," he forced himself not to look at her slightly red eyes to prevent his guilt from increasing, "Look, L-Luna-ma-ria, I'm really sorry about what I said before. I...I just heard from your sister that...well...I'm not pitying you or anything by the way, I just want to say that...I understand."

She seemed taken aback but nodded gratefully, "Thank you, Shinn...I meant what I said back there too. Don't worry, I'll try my best not to annoy you anymore. I won't force you to change your views. I...," she looked away sadly, "It's just...it never occurred to me how I act can affect the others. Maybe you're right, I'm too cheerful. Meyrin...I wonder if she ever thinks of me annoying, always talking and..."

"Hey, that's not it! Remember what you just told me? That you won't force me to change my views? Well, no one can change your view either. You're just who you are," Shinn had no idea why he said that, it just came out naturally.

Luna gazed at him in wonder, "...thank you again Shinn, I need that... I take back my words...you're not insensitive after all."

_Maybe she's not so bad. _A small smile appeared on his face, "Let us start over then. I'm Shinn Asuka," he held out his hand genuinely.

She shook his hand and grinned, "I'm Lunamaria Hawke. You can just call me Luna."

* * *

_-C.E. 74 February, Berlin, Germany -_

"How are you, Stellar?" Shinn kneeled in front of a small grave stone. It was delicately made; Shinn had found an especially smooth and round stone, and placed it in front of the lake, where the blonde had rested in peace.

He stroked the surface of the stone gently, half-surprised to see wet drops of water landing on the stone. He gazed, transfixed, at the tears that slid down from his cheeks onto the stone. He wiped them away hastily.

"It's been a year since the day we met, isn't it? I didn't even kow you then. I still remember, how I foolishly just grabbed you where I shouldn't," he chuckled drly, blushing slightly at recalling that day, "We don't know each other then, or did we know the event that were to happen...

"And now...peace is finally established, Stellar, so you don't have to worry anymore...," Shinn smiled lightly, and the wind blew against him gently, as if replying to his words.

He put down the flowers carefully, and stared at the lake. "Why haven't you come and visit me, Stellar? You said you would see me tomorrow..."

The wind continued to blow soothingly, almost making Shinn forgot where he was. Just to simply indulge himself in peace, in the serenity of the place, imagining that _she _was here with him.

Snow was everywhere, but he didn't feel the numbness. It was snowing on that day to, the day he had lowered her into this very lake. The day he parted with her...

"Shinn! The plane's going to leave in 30 minutes! We have to hurry if we want to catch up!" a voice called out to him.

"Luna..." He muttered, gazing at the magenta-head. They'd been through so much together, so much that they became dependent on each other, relying on each other's emotions to keep them sane amidst the war...

But the war was over.

"If she stays with me, she's going to get hurt by me," Shinn told himself, "I promised I'll protect her, and I'll still do...but from afar. I won't fail Luna like I failed you, Stellar. That's why I have to let her go..."

He stood up stiffly and walked away from the grave.

The wind continued to blow, and the flower petals fluttered away into the sky, descending onto the lake gracefully.

-

-

_note: Lunamaria's Voice Actress is the same for Mayu...I thought I'd make Shinn confused about the similarity of their voice_

_note: I have no idea what happened to the Hawke's parents. I find it weird that when Meyrin supposably died, only Luna was shown grieving and no one informed Luna's parents and stuff, unlike when poor Nicol died. Also, sometimes Luna's unbelievably cheerful-to-the-brink-of-irritating, so I'd thought to give a reason for that attitude. _

End of Chapter 1

**A/N:** A huge question bubbling up - why the heck is this Shinn x Luna? Am I not a Steshin fan? Yes I am, but I'm a very open person and unless I bring Stellar back to life, there won't be a chance for Steshin when the fic isn't AU. I'm trying to convince myself of Shinn x Luna's relationship, because I think they have the potential. However, I'm more Rey x Luna but alas, that didn't play out either...

Anyways, it's a challenge given by my friend and I do not turn down challenges. Besides, we need more Shinn x Luna fanfics. Too many post-GSD just ignores Luna completely. No words about the break up or etc.

While I'm uncertain of their relationships, I do like the Minerva Trio (Shinn, Rey and Luna). Luna is actually one of my favorite characters, despite the, ahem, majority's opinion about her. So she flirts with Athrun, but I think it's funny; the way Meer flirts with Athrun? Cough, it makes Luna's flirting so much more tolerable. Yes, yes, Luna's needy and annoying sometimes, but all characters have flaws (coughLacuscough) - yes, Cagalli too, but that's why we love the blonde XD. Oh no, I like Lacus, but I find her unrealistic; if only someone like her exists in the real world...

I wrote this fic long before the third special edition came out. Obviously, this story's plotline would be slightly different if I had known about the 4th special edition ahead of time...

To end this freakishly long author's note, I just want to say this fic will be in either the POV of Shinn or Luna, and the other guys will pop up here and there sometimes to play as supporting characters.

-

I'd love hear you guys' opinions, but don't flame this pairing. Don't like, don't read.

-

Athyra


	2. Chapter 2 Gapping Abyss

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

Bitterness filled up her usually cheerful self. She was even less than a rebound; she was just someone who happened to be there for him to protect, so he wouldn't snap and drown in insanity. She looked for him when she fell in despair, convinced that he had no choice to 'kill' Meyrin. Little did she know, her buried feelings surfaced and she found herself in love with him. But it was un requited, she knew. She couldn't compete with _her_. She never had a chance, never. - _Lunamaria Hawke_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 2 Gapping Abyss**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- C.E. 72, ZAFT Training Academy, PLANT -_

"This is it, Mey, the last test before we can graduate...the very test to determine whether I can be a Redcoat or not!" Lunamaria Hawke told her sister exuburently. Meyrin smiled back at her.

"Mou, you don't seem very excited...is it because you guys don't have to take a test?" Luna pouted, raising her eyebrow at the greencoats.

"Of course, Onee-chan. I'm only a CIC, and Vino and Youlan are mechanics. It's not like we have more responsibility than you guys, the pilots!" Meyrin protested weakly.

Luna grinned, patting her sister's shoulder proudly, "Only a CIC? The youngest and best CIC then, I bet! No one can beat you at computers, Mey and you know it! No worries, I promise I'll ace that test and protect you, as a ZAFT Redcoat!"

"You won't be if you're late, Lunamaria," an emotionless voice called out to her.

"Alright, alright, Rey, I'm coming. I suppose Shinn's still sleeping?" Luna turned around to face her comrade, Rey za Burrel. He always seemed mature for his age, someone they could all depend on for leadership; reliable, responsible and organized, Rey quickly earned silent respect and admiration for his wit and skills. Of course, that included Luna and Shinn.

"You really are loud and annoying_(see note),_ Luna, I can hear you talking from my room," Shinn Asuka yawned drowsily, rubbing his sleepy eyes and stretching. Luna poked his side in retaliation.

"Ow...hey, Rey, do you know what the test is on?" Shinn asked, rubbing his sore side.

Luna rolled her eyes, "You're lucky, you know that? It's going to be a stimulation test - us three piloting as a team to defeat an imaginery enemy forces. Good thing the test is about combat skills, not studying, or you'd fail, Shinn."

The ruby-eyed boy snorted and looked away. Luna scowled, and Rey sighed exasperately.

"Come on, let's go."

_Shinn and Rey. Sigh, why do I have to put up with them? They're good friends, I know, but Shinn's gets on my nerves sometimes...oh well. Rey...he's so cool! Though, it's really weird he always calls me 'Lunamaria', not 'Luna' like others. I don't really mind, though. He's so mature, unlike Shinn! Trust Rey to control Shinn's temper. I'm...I'm really glad they are on my team..._ Luna smiled to herself. Sure, training had been really difficult and tiresome, but it was worth it. As long as she can accomplish her goal.

To be a ZAFT Redcoat.

"Heads up, Lunamaria!" Rey's voice shot through her mind, and she quickly swerved right to dodge a missile.

_Right, we're in the stimulation test right now. I really need to focus...I must ace this test!!! _She told herself firmly. She looked at the screen and saw Shinn's machine sped past her.

"Mou, don't just charge at the enemy, Shinn! Don't act so impulsively!!" She shouted out a warning. Shinn appeared not to have heard her.

Luna scowled and sped after him. Sure, Shinn's machine was slashing at the enemies efficiently, but the numbers were bound to overwhelm him later.

She quickly fired at an enemy sneaking up behind him. Shinn's voice came from the communication line, "Thanks, Luna, but I can handle it."

_Grrr...this is it, I'm not saving his butt anymore!_ She growled inwardly.

Thus, Shinn's fighting on his own, and Luna was picking off any enemies that were still far away. Not much cooperation here.

"Shinn, Lunamaria, regroup! An unidentified mobile suit is coming," Rey's voice caused the two to stop and flew to his side. Luna could feel her excitement building; even though the test was fake, the enemies were fake and that they won't die for real, she couldn't help but feel anxious at the fight, anticipating a powerful enemy.

"Strike?" Luna gasped in surprise, seeing the legendary gundam that gave endless trouble to the equally infamous Creuset Team. She found herself groaning in resignation, "Man, of all the gundams we had to fight...why does it have to be the Strike? The higherups must really hate us!"

"Don't give up so fast, Lunamaria. If we work together, we can bring it down," Rey's rational words gave her the confidence she needed.

True enough, with Shinn acting as the bait, the three had the Strike cornered. Luna acted as support while Rey fought side by side with Shinn, blocking an attack while the other couldn't.

The test ended with the Strike apparition disappearing and the screen fading. The three got out of their machines and were congratulated on their excellent performance.

A ZAFT commander was looking at their scores. "Let's see...Lunamaria Hawke, you're very accurate when it comes to long-range combat, but your melee ability isn't bad either. Shinn Asuka, you're very good at evading and aiming at the enemies' weak spots. You're extraordinary at both shooting and melee. Rey za Burrel, what a splendid battle you fought! You're precise at everything."

Shinn had a proud smirk, Luna was grinning from ear to ear while Rey had his usual stoic expression, though he seemed pleased. Duh, who wouldn't be, from all of the compliments?

"I am proud to proclaim the three of you ZAFT's Redcoats," the commander shook hands with them, giving them the diplomas they deserved.

With trembling hands, Luna accepted the diploma, feeling her heart expand with joy. Meyrin and the other came up to them and congratulate on their success.

"Mom and Dad would be proud, Onee-chan," Meyrin hugged Luna, who was still slightly dazed. She was officially a Redcoat! Their father was a Redcoat. He was an elite Commander stationed on Boaz, and their mother was a CIC in the control center. Of course, then, the tragedy struck... She gripped the diploma tight._ I wont' let you down, Mom, Dad. I'll protect Meyrin. I'm going to make you proud._

"Hey guys, it's said that we've been assigned to the new battleship, the Minerva!!!" Vino shouted excitedly, "Let us take a picture, then, to celebrate this moment!"

Luna glanced at Rey, whose expression remained unreadable, and then at Shinn, who was looking at the pink cellphone he treasured. _Those two...they need to lighten up! Can't have their gloomy faces on the photo!_

The moment before the photo was taken, Luna threw each of her arms around the two surprised guys, bringing them out of their stupor. The photo ended with a grinning Luna in the middle of a surprised Shinn and an amused Rey. Meyrin was standing shyly off to the side, with Vino and Youlan making faces at the camera.

"Luna! Why the hell did you do that for?" Shinn frowned at her, rubbing his sore neck. Used to his language, Luna shrugged, "Just thought it'd be fun to shock you." She glanced at Rey, and was surprised to him smiling lightly at them.

_So he can smile...it's cute,_ Luna grinned back. She knew being a Redcoat didn't mean things will be easy, but she was ready. She had Meyrin, her friends, and most importantly, her trusted comrades Shinn and Rey.

What more could she ask for?

* * *

_- C.E. 74 August, Aprilius, PLANT - _

"Idiot...," Luna smiled sadly, gazing at the gravestone in front of her. Her hands slowly glided across the name of her comrade, her friend

"Rey...," she whispered the name nostalgically.

"I really liked you, you know? You were cool and collected, someone I look up to. Even when I became infatuated with Athrun, I thought you...might get jealous or something. You were still the same Rey and didn't really mind Athrun's presence in our group. You were still...unreachable and indifferent. But you changed," she paused, willing the painful memories to recede.

"You never showed your emotions. You never told anyone but Shinn your secret...that you were a clone and didn't have a future...why, Rey? Why? Why didn't you let me share your burdens as well?"

"How cold you were to me. How uncaring you had become after you got into Legend...so emotionless you were that you even persuaded _him_ to kill Meyrin and Athrun... I thought, we were all friends, we were all families... Even though I don't know they survived at the time, even though you couldn't care less about anyone but the Chairman and Shinn...I never had the heart to resent you."

She imagined his piercing blue eyes staring at her reprimandingly. "I couldn't...blame either of you...Why did this happen? Why didn't you tell us anything? I trusted you...why did this happen? Why did you have to die?" Her voice trembled, her lips quivered.

"What should I have done to prevent this, Captain?" Luna asked the grave besides Rey's. Captain Talia Gladys's grave resided at this spot because of the Minerva's crew's request. Even until the very end, the crew still believed in the Captain and Rey...and the Chairman.

"It felt so weird without you around, Rey..." Tears spilled down her cheeks uncontrollably, "If you are here, tell me, what should I do? I'm so lost without _him_. I know I can't compete with the girl he truly loves, Rey, but is it so much that even our friendship can't remain? Do we really have to break apart? We can never be the' three of us' again...just us three..."

She dried her eyes hastily, trying to stop herself from recalling the wonderful memories of their time together in the training academy, their strong friendship. She stared blankly at his grave, contemplating on her life. Her messed up life, and her messed up mind.

_Lunamaria..._

Her head shot up, and she glanced around wildly. Tears leaked out from her eyes and she laughed bitterly, "Why, I'm even imagining his voice...are you...are you with me right now, Rey? Are you reprimanding me for my pathetic state right now?"

"Lunamaria-san?" A kind voice called out to her. Realizing it was not a figment of her imagination this time, she turned around to see the newcomers.

"Murrue-san, Mwu-san, Robert-chan," Luna managed to grin at the little boy who came with the Flagas. Robert Gladys was Captain Gladys' son, and was currently under the custody of the Fllagas.

"You haven't contacted us for months, where have you been?" Murrue said.

"Oh, I've been around...going from PLANT to PLANT..."

"We're all really worried... "

"Especially your sister," Mwu added, earning a light nudge from Murrue.

"Meyrin...is she alright? How's she coping with the life in Orb? She's not too much trouble for you, is she?" Guilt rushed to Luna's heart. _Oh, I'm so sorry Mey. I should send her an e-mail tonight._

"Oh, Meyrin's very good with little Robert. She's been a great family member to us, though she still misses you, her only family," Murrue explained. Luna averted her gaze.

"I can't go back to Orb. I...I just need a break. A long break."

"Will you come back to Orb later, then?"

"No...as much as I don't want to leave Meyrin, I can't...I don't want to go back to Orb," Luna replied, her eyes dimming with unpleasant memories.

"That kid, what did he do this time?" Mwu asked protectively. After the Flagas took the Hawke sisters under their wing, he became used to think of them as sisters.

"Please, don't blame Shinn, he didn't do anything wrong. I understand his decision... But it still hurts, you know?" Luna looked up into the sky, "No matter. As long as we're both alright. As long as we've both found our peace..."

The Flagas exchanged looks. Mwu exhaled in remorse, "Yeah, I wish him to be happy...after all I failed to fulfill the promise I gave to him..."

Luna cringed at the mention of the 'promise'. _Yes, Shinn would be really happy right now, and I wouldn't have to suffer this pain, _Luna couldn't help but think this way. Yet, she wouldn't voice this bitter opinion aloud; Mwu was a really nice man and she was sure he tried his best to save Stellar-

The magenta-haired girl bit her lips in attempt to stop a sob from escaping.

Murrue sighed dejectedly,"Um, well, please take care of yoursef, Luna-san. You're a lot thinner than the last time we saw you."

"I'm fine, really. Please don't worry about it," Lunamaria waved goodbye, taking one last glance at Rey's grave before walking away.

Walking towards a life with a strange hollowness.

A life without Shinn.

-

-

End of Chapter 2

_(note) I was re-watching GSD and Shinn really did say that to Luna at one point. It was funny - he said it as if he was talking about the weather and Lnna didn't really look offended._

-

**A/N: **Yes, a pretty confusing chapter but a key point is that, yes, Shinn and Luna broke up not long after chapter 1, but their broke up was...well, not as you might've thought.It will come up next chapter. Meyrin is currently living with the Flagas, since she is still underage, but being a year older Luna is legally an adult. Shinn lives with the orphanage currently. Meyrin would've live there too but she doesn't want to see him.

-

Please Review!

-

Athyra


	3. Chapter 3 Conflicted Heart

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

It was agonizing, it wasn't how he had imagined. They fought and jab at each other's deepest pain, trying to hurt each other more and more. The wound split so wide that it became unstoppable. He had yelled, snarled and did something he regret the most. The damage was done. He had let her go. He had not only let her heart leave in broken pieces, he had also left their friendship shattered. Things would never be the same again. The scar would never fade. **-** _Shinn Asuka_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 3 Conflicted Heart**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- C.E. 73, Battleship Minerva - _

He could feel glares of accusation on his back. He could feel the hatred for the atrocity he had just committed. Unable to withstand the pain and the guilt, he collapsed against the wall in the hallway. Biting his lips to choke back a helpless sob, he stared at his hands.

Stained with Athrun and Meyrin's blood.

Why did this happen? Why? Of all the people, why did it have to be Athrun and Meyrin? His respected comrade and friend…betrayed ZAFT to join LOGOs? That was utterly ludicrous! Why would they do something like that? There must be a misunderstanding…there must be.

But Rey did not get information wrong. Chairman Dullindal must have a valid reason for ordering him to kill them. They must be right.

Shinn told himself to trust Rey and the Chairman, but a small fleck of doubt and unease remained in his heart.

He did not know how he sat there for. Shakily, he stood up when he heard footsteps coming his way. It was Rey.

"Shinn, are you alright?" the blond man asked in a concerned voice. Shinn weakly nodded. There was no way Rey would tell him something false. He trusted Rey above everything.

"That's good. You should go to your room to rest," Rey put his hand on Shinn's shoulder in a comforting gesture, "Don't look back. Only look forward, Shinn. You did the right thing. You did what you had to do."

Shinn felt slightly better at his words. _That's it…just keep walking_, he told himself, _just go lie on your bed and forget everything. Just try to collect yourself and believe in Rey and the Chairman. Athrun is the traitor. Athrun is the traitor……._

The next morning came by quick. He and Rey went to the Chairman's office for a quick report, but Shinn's mind was still blank. He couldn't piece his memories together or, rather, he didn't want to remember.

As he boarded the Minerva, he could faintly hear Vino whispering 'Meyrin' and Youlan's disapproving glare.

Rey gave him another encouraging pat, and Shinn walked on, trying not to look back. There was no use. What was done was done, there was no changing it.

Sensing someone staring at him not too far away, he looked up. His heart almost stopped then.

_Luna…_He looked away quickly, not bearing to look at her anguished and lost expression. He knew how close she and her sister were, despite how the sisters sometimes argued.

_Meyrin is her only family left…and you took her away_, a little voice on the back of his mind reminded him. He clenched his fist.

Without looking up, he walked past by Luna's motionless figure. "Gomen," he muttered, willing all his emotions to show through this simple word. He knew nothing he said would change what he did. Apologizing might be selfish on his part, to make himself feel better, but he wanted to tell Luna that too.

He was ready to walk away and accept their damaged friendship when he felt her hands on his shoulder. Her cold, trembling fingers.

He whirled around and saw her shivering form, her hands covering her face, covering her helpless tears. His heart constricted in pain to see her in agony, which he had caused.

Impulsively, he wrapped arms around her small form. Why hadn't he noticed it before? Was it because Luna always seemed so independent, so strong? But at this moment, she seemed so vulnerable and fragile that he couldn't help but feel the urge to protect her.

He didn't know how long they stood there. She sobbed quietly into his arms, and his mind was in turmoil. Why did she seek him for comfort? Why didn't she just hit him or something? Why didn't she hate him?

"I…I don't blame you, Shinn," her strained voice was muffled. He whispered in confusion, "Why not? I killed her….I killed them with my own hands. You can hit me, Luna, or scream at me. I'll do anything to make you feel better, if there's any way at all."

She shook her head and looked up into his eyes. He forced himself not to look away from her teary face.

"I don't blame you, Shinn…you already blame yourself for something you couldn't prevent. It all showed, you didn't want to do it, but it was inevitable," her voice shook, and she touched his face kindly. It was only then he realized he, too, was crying.

She leaned her head against his chest tiredly, "I couldn't hate you, Shinn……you are my friend……I will never forget Meyrin……I'll always love my sister. It was LOGO's fault, Shinn. They must have done something to Meyrin, or Athrun had persuaded her somehow. So, Shinn, don't blame yourself…anymore……"

Her voice trailed off, and she slumped against him. Alarmed, he thought she had fainted but was relieved to find her only asleep. The ordeal must have tired her. According to Rey, Luna was questioned all night.

He picked her up gently, carefully not to disturb her much-needed sleep. He brought her to her room, and laid her onto the bed softly.

He sat there for a long time, just watching her sleep. Her serene, peaceful look reminded him of Stellar's, when she died in his arms…….

He shook his head vehemently. How many times? He had seen his family die in front of him, and then Stellar……

He must protect Luna. He won't let Luna die. He would not hurt her again. He swept away a stray strand of her lovely hair from her eyes and kissed her forehead. Pulling back abruptly, he wondered why he did that.

Standing up resolutely, Shinn smiled lightly at her before leaving the room.

* * *

_- C.E. 74 December, Battleship Minerva - _

"Lunamaria here, Captain Joule," the magenta-haired Redcoat saluted sharply to the silver-haired man.

"You don't have to be so serious all the time, Luna, even Shiho knows when to relax," Dearka Elthman grinned at her, and Shiho Hahnenfuss whacked him on the arm. Yzak Joule scowled at both of them.

Luna couldn't help but smile back at the group.

After re-enlisting to ZAFT, Lunamaria as immediately assigned to the repaired Minerva, bringing unwanted memories back to her. She was hesitant at first, wondering why she was back on the battleship again.

Captain Joule was assigned to the Minerva along with the other crew from his old ship, the Voltaire. He was a rather grumpy man; hard to please and very easy to irritate. But it was apparent that he was a good Captain; he cared for his comrades, not outwardly of course.

His best friend, Dearka, was a man of humour. Things always seemed light-hearted whenever he was around. He was lax but could be as serious when he wanted to. However, his laid back attitude often made Yzak lost his temper with him. That was where Shiho came in.

Shiho, Yzak's fiancée, was the peacekeeper of the ship. She had strong will and strong faith in her Captain slash fiancé, and was very reliable and everyone on the ship looked up to her. She could be slightly withdrawn sometimes, but her temper can definitely match Yzak's when she was riled up. It was obvious that she was the serious type, kind of like Rey. However, Shiho knew when to have fun and chat, even though she definitely disapprove of Luna's pink mini-skirt.

Together, Luna, Dearka and Shiho made up the main team. Yzak only had to launch when it was absolutely necessary, since he was the Captain after all. Dearka should've been the leader of their team, as he was more experienced, but the man only smirked and said it was not suitable for him. Shiho also declined the offer, saying she needed to watch Dearka's back to ensure he didn't get into trouble, or slack off.

"So, have you made a decision yet, Yzak?" Dearka asked, addressing his friend by his first name since no one but them were around.

"Lunamaria, you should be the main leader, that's why I called you here today," Yzak told her. Luna was shocked.

"But…but I'm …you are all heroes of the first War, survivors of the Battle of Jachin Due!" Luna stammered, not trusting her ears.

"And you survived the second war, Luna," Shiho said kindly.

"Of course, I considered the fact that both Dearka and Shiho are older and have more experience," Yzak commented, "However, you are more familiar of this ship than any of us. Besides, as the pilot of the Impulse, it's only right if you're the main leader. I know that you had led teams during the last war, correct?"

Luna nodded numbly. She had been surprised that the Impulse was also repaired and given back to her, but the whereabouts of Destiny was unknown.

"Geez, you don't expect me to lead with my Blaze Zaku Phantom, or Shiho to lead with hers? Yzak's Gouf Ignited can lead, sure, but he'd be commanding the ship most of the time, so that leaves you, Luna," Dearka grinned.

"Um, I don't mind piloting other units…..," Luna began, but was cut off by an annoyed Yzak, "Save it.You're Impulse's pilot, and the team's main leader, period. Shiho can lead the other half if you can't handle it, but as a Major, you will lead the entire team, got it?"

"Yes, sir," Luna saluted sharply again, and Dearka rolled his eyes, "old habits die hard, eh?"

Luna blushed, "I can't help it. Rey would always tell me to be…" her voice trailed off. Being back at this old ship only brought hidden memories back.

"Rey?"

"It's nothing……um, I'd like to go back to my room now, if you don't mind," she said tiredly. She left the briefing room brusquely. The more she stood there, the more she fancied seeing a blond man and a raven-haired man standing beside her.

When she was about to walk away, she heard her name being mentioned. She couldn't help but stop to eavesdrop outside the door.

"Lunamaria…I take it she is still affected by the last war?" Shiho stated quietly.

"She must be. She must be reminded a lot of things she didn't want to," Dearka seemed troubled.

"Psshh. It doesn't matter. The past is the past," came Yzak's unconcerned voice.

"Geez, I thought you cared about your subordinates, Yzak? According to her file, she was on a three-man team with ZAFT aces Rey za Burrel and Shinn Asuka. It was reported that Rey was KIA and Shinn MIA. She was reported MIA before as well, but since she re-enlisted……"

"She must miss her friends……"

Yzak snorted.

"Come on man. It doesn't seem like much to you, but it is to me and her. Look at you and Shiho…you get to be with each other everyday," Dearka seemed annoyed, "Luna might have someone too, and I am…well, I don't even know how things are going in Milly's mind. I don't even know if we have a chance or not."

_A chance…is it?_ Luna thought to herself. Deciding she had heard enough, she walked towards her room. It was ironic that she was assigned to her old room.

Even now, she still wondered why she re-enlisted in ZAFT. Was this how Athrun felt when he re-enlisted? She certainly didn't feel strong loyalty to ZAFT, but her feelings to protect PLANT was still the same, even though Meyrin no longer lived there. Luna still felt the need to protect her family's pride as a Hawke. But now, everything seemed to be too much for her...

"Gosh, I'm so screwed," she told herself, gripping her fringes in frustration. Everywhere she looked, everywhere she walked, she was reminded of either Shinn or Rey. And in doing so, she'd be reminded of the fight she and Shinn had, which had ultimately causing their break up.

She touched her cheek gingerly, as if it still hurt. And, in a way, it still did.

_----------------Flashback, back in January (a few weeks after their visit to Berlin)--------------------_

"Do you know what day it is, Shinn?" Luna asked him expectantly. The said man raised his eyebrow in confusion.

She pouted in disappointment, "The anniversary of the day we met, Shinn. All of us. I'm going to call Meyrin since I forgot to tell her before…and we can all go and……visit…Rey's grave," her voice trailed off. Shinn flinched visibly.

"Maybe some other time, Luna, I'm…not in a good mood," Shinn said. He was right, ever since they came back from visiting Meyrin at the newly wed Flagas' house, Shinn had been frowning a lot.

"What's wrong…..? I thought it'd be best that Meyrin stay with them…you know, Mrs. Flaga is Archangel's Captain, and Meyrin was pretty familiar with them. She did need a legal guardianship…come to think of it, so do you. Why did you register with the Orb orphanage instead?"

"I can't stand that damn man!" He yelled suddenly, causing Luna to recoil in shock. He continued, "That man…that so-called Mwu……What a fricking bastard! He killed her! Yet he dared to indulge himself in happiness?? He's no Mwu…he is a liar. He is called Neo, and he let her die! He promised me!"

Shinn's red eyes were so demon-like Luna couldn't help but shudder in fear. "Who did he kill? Neo? What do you mean?"

"You don't understand, Luna, you'll never understand!"

Luna was starting to get mad, "How would I understand if you don't tell me? Don't keep things to yourself, Shinn, you can trust me."

Shinn was starting ramble to himself, "That bastard, how dare he? He promised me he would return her to a gentle world without fighting…I believed in him, since she did as well. Heck, I even went through all that trouble of breaking down Gaia's code just to get to him……he promised me, that was why I handed her over. It was all his fault. If it weren't for him, she wouldn't appear in that thing, that Destroy……she would've never died………I thought he was killed by Freedom, but no! He had the galls to show his face on Archangel and hoho, get married? Damn him!"

_Gaia? 'She'…does he mean that blonde girl? The Extended girl? _"Shinn……do you mean the Extended girl captured from the Gaia?" Luna asked simply, meaning no malice behind her words. She didn't remember the blonde girl's name, so it was natural for her to address the Extended girl this way. Yet, Shinn took it the wrong way.

"Extended, Extended! Is that all you people can ever say? She had a name, her name is Stellar, damn it!" Shinn snarled angrily. He was so furious that he couldn't see anything but red, his mind devoid of emotions. His arm swung out of its own will, and he felt his hand connect with something soft.

_Slap_

Shinn's glazed eyes went back to normal, while he gaped at his hand. A vividly red mark was on Luna's cheek, and she was staring at him, her azure eyes wide in shock and pain.

It wasn't the slap that hurt her, but the fact that Shinn did it. She could barely breathe, like her body function had temporarily shut down. She could faintly taste blood on her lips. _Did he slap me that hard? Yes he must have. But he didn't mean it, did he? Like he said, he was just in a bad mood…_ she tried to convince herself but to no avail.

The slap was like a stimulator to her brain. Vague images came back to her mind, images of an innocent-looking blond girl lying on the bed in the infirmary room; images of Shinn crouching beside the girl, stroking her cheeks tenderly; the fact he returned the girl to the EA risking his rank and life; the fact that he changed into a different person after the Destroy attack in Berlin; the fact he had whispered the girl's name when he woke up after they lost the Battle of Messiah; the fact that they went to Berlin……

_It all makes sense now. Now it all makes sense. Whenever Shinn looks at me, it always feels as if he is seeing some else_, Luna felt her heart broke at the sudden realization, _he never loved me……he never did……he loved, no he still loves Stellar…_

"Luna, I…" Shinn began, his face pale at what he just did.

"It's okay, Shinn. I understand that you don't love me," Luna interrupted him sadly.

"That's not it, I…."

"Well, can you look at me in the eye and tell me you love me…just as you did Stellar?" She yelled desperately, surprised at her own emotion and her own voice, at how distressed it sounded.

Shinn averted his gaze, biting his lips. That was all the answer she needed.

"Luna…we shouldn't see each other anymore……it's not…right… I can't…," Shinn whispered weakly, as if trying to convince himself.

"You damn right we shouldn't! You could've just told me, Shinn…you should've just told me instead of finding out like this!" Tears spilled down her cheeks, but she didn't care. She no longer cared. She no longer cared about anything anymore. She had to get away. She must get away immediately, otherwise the pain would be too much….

Even though it was already too much…….

------------------_End flashback-------------------_

"I wish to make up to you, Shinn, but we always ended up arguing again and again, and it hurt more and more each time...besides, I don't know where you live now," Luna mumbled to herself, feeling her eyes wet. "I guess I'm not good enough for you then……I guess…I was just… a rebound……"

"But you weren't a rebound, to me, Shinn. I may have liked Rey before…I know that I definitely loved you, Shinn. You were my pillar of strength, you were the one I depend on after Meyrin was gone……you became everything to me, Shinn……."

She stared at a picture frame on her desk, the picture of the day of their graduation. She buried her face into the pillow, willing her tears to stop.

_But you know what, Shinn? I still love you………_

-

-

End of Chapter 3

-

**A/N:** Yes, a rather intense chapter...just...don't flame Shinn? or Luna? Oh yes, I also resented Mwu for awhile because of Stellar's death. Sigh. I like the old Mwu better...Actually, other than the songs and Kira and Lacus's relationship, I like Seed better than Destiny...(Seed is where Asucaga reigns supreme XD)

-

-

Please Review!

-

Athyra


	4. Chapter 4 Only Family

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

Luna is a pretty cool sister. She could always ask Luna for advice. She could also depend on Luna for protecting her, or even for a good argument when she needs it. Though it might not be obvious because of their arguments, she and Luna have a tight bond. After all, they only have each other. Luna will always be her Onee-chan. That's why it hurts so much to see Luna hurt because of one man, the very same man who almost killed her and Athrun… **–** _Meyrin Hawke_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 4 Only Family**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- C.E. 73, Flagship Eternal - _

Meyrin licked her dry lips in anticipation. Everybody was exhausted from the war, but it had ended at last. Peace could surely be obtained in the near future. She saw everything from her seat as the CIC of Eternal; she saw Strike Freedom battling with Legend; she saw Akatsuki dispatching its DRAGOON shield to protect Archangel; she saw Impulse trying to stop Destiny from attacking and was thankfully saved by Infinite Justice………

_Thank you, Athrun-san, for saving my sister, _hastily, she wiped away a tear moistening her eyes.

Meyrin thought about the time she spent on Archangel to recover, to ponder and to simply enjoy peace. She had helped Athrun-san out of impulse, out of the need to prove she, too, can be helpful. She had escaped with him because of the gun pointed at her, by someone she considered her friend. She did not know how to think at the time; all she felt was indescrible terror when she saw the Destiny gundam charging towards her with the huge beam sword, aiming for her and Athrun's death.

During the battle of Orb, she was given a chance to go back to ZAFT. It was inevitable that she would have to fight against her former comrades, so Athrun-san offered her the chance to stay back. But she couldn't. All she could think about was Luna; Meyrin couldn't face the shame of being accused a traitor, she couldn't even bear to imagine the look on Luna's face. She was terrified of ZAFT and the Chairman. The fact that her trusted friends, Shinn and Rey, would turn the swords against her at a mere order...she was scared Luna might do the same thing as well. She knew how much Luna respected Rey and how the trio was inseperable.

Yet, she couldn't just wait ashore either. The only one Meyrin felt comfort and familiar with was Athrun-san. After all, despite all the generosity and kindness exhibited by the people on Archangel, she could only trust Athrun-san. He was the link Meyrin had of her life back on Minerva. He was the only one who knew Shinn, Rey and her sister. Meyrin didn't want to feel isolated and alone, and Athrun had kindly accepted her presence.

It was from that moment Meyrin decided to stay by his side and support him as much as she could.

Meeting the real Lacus Clyne had been a shock, since how the imposter acted was so different from the gentle, mild real one. Lacus had unconditionally became her friend, and Meyrin was grateful for it. The red-head had been lost in her emotions for Athrun-san. She knew there was something between the Orb Representative and the blunette. She knew Cagalli-san loved Athrun-san when the blonde asked her to take of him.

Meyrin decided not to think too much into such matter, and was determined to fulfill her promise to the Representative.

Seeing Luna again on the battlefield was expected, but Meyrin didn't expect the fear and despair to follow. She believed in the Terminal, and wished for them to emerge victorious yet, on the other hand, she wished for her sister to be safe and sound. However, such thing was impossible of a merciless battlefield, and Meyrin almost couldn't bear to watch the fight.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she got up from the chair and walked out of the control room, feeling the need to see Athrun-san unscathed. Hearing the sound of mobile suits being admitted into the battleship, Meyrin ran down the hallway and reached the hangar, where she saw the red mobile suit stood, and its pilot standing there with two familiar figures……?

"Meyrin?" Luna gasped, staring at her. Meyrin fidgeted uncomfortably under her sister's intense eyes. Shinn stood aloof to the side, his head bent and totally oblivious of everything around him.

Athrun smiled at Meyrin encouragingly and patted Luna's shoulder. Like a wordless command, Luna ran towards Meyrin until she was right before her.

Luna looked just as tired as everyone else; tears stained her cheeks and she seemed thinner than the last time Meyrin saw her. Luna's expression was filled with joy, anger and sadness at the same time. She bit her lips and raised her hand.

Meyrin flinched and closed her eyes, thinking her sister was going to hit her for defecting ZAFT.

She felt arms around her instead, and she stared at Luna's shaking form. Feeling tears gather, Meyrin embraced her sister back and they both broke down crying.

Athrun shooed some onlookers off, knowing the sisters needed sometime alone. He was greeted by Lacus, who gave him a brief hug. He chuckled, "You should be saving that for Kira."

The songstress blushed prettily and sure enough, when the pilot of Strike Freedom came down from the cockpit, he was enveloped in a loving embrace which he happily returned.

As for the Hawke Sisters, they were oblivious of everything else in the world but themselves. A year ago, they only had each other; and now, they still only had each other, but that was enough. Because they were sisters, because they were bonded by blood, having each other was enough.

"Do-do you have any idea how devastated I was when I-I thought you died? Do-do you have any idea how I felt when I heard your voice...amidst all that fighting?" Luna meant for it to sound reproaching, but what came out was practically incoherent sobs.

"Luna," a voice said gently, and Meyrin was surprised to see Shinn looking at her sister in a tender gaze. Luna wiped away her tears quickly, trying to recompose herself. Shinn then turned towards Meyrin, and involuntarily she flinched. A look of guilt flickered in Shinn's eyes.

He hung his head and muttered a quick apology, and Meyrin was taken aback. Did he just apologize to her? Luna added, "Mey, Shinn just wanted to say that he is sorry for almost k..., well you know what I mean."

The younger girl stared at Shinn's genuinely remorseful expression. _He had suffered the most, give him a break._ Her conscience whispered in her mind and, awkwardly, she patted his shoulder.

Luna then hugged both of them with her arms, as if in a group hug. Athrun, Kira and Lacus watched the exchange a little off to the side. Athrun glanced at Kira, who nodded.

"Where's Rey, Onee-chan?" Meyrin asked, wondering where the stoic blond was. She knew that if she could forgive Shinn, she could forgive Rey as well.

"I don't know...last time I saw him was when he fought with Strike Freedom...and then we saw the Messiah fall...," Luna mumbled uneasily.

"Rey was...he was in the Messiah," Athrun walked up to them, looking reluctant. The three were unable to stifle their gasp.

"Do you mean...?"

Athrun nodded wordlessly, and Meyrin felt strangely empty. There were too many sacrifices, and now Rey too...? She turned and saw Luna crying in Shinn's arms, the latter with tears dripping down his cheeks as well. Of course, they were the ones closest to Rey. Meyrin knew that Luna had somewhat of a crush on Rey. In attempts to make Rey jealous, Luna was constantly flirting with Athrun. The result was Luna ended up having a crush on Athrun and Rey remained as indifferent as ever.

But now Meyrin knew. By looking at the gestures, the glances they exchanged, Meyrin knew that Shinn and Luna were together. Luna seemed to be comfortable with him, and vice versa.

_I hope you'll make my sister happy, Shinn. _Meyrin gazed at the two with her hands on her heart.

* * *

- _C.E. 75 April, Orb - _

"Nee-chan, let's play!" Robert Gladys grinned and tugged at the hem of Meyrin's skirt, bringing a smile on the girl's face.

She bent down to his eye level and told him regretfully, but sternly, that she had to go to work. Robert pouted but he nodded his head, running off to the kindergarden's playground, where he was joined by several other children.

Meyrin's eyes grew sad but just watching the boy, so innocent and happy. Despite what happened to Captain Gladys, Robert was still able to cope with his life and find happiness with the Flagas. Well, technically, Meyrin considered herself fortunate to have the Flagas as her guardian, but she still missed her sister...

Shaking unhappy thoughts away, Meyrin walked towards her motorcycle. She put on the helmet and turned on the ignition, feeling adrenaline building already. She sped along the roads, exhilaration coursing through her entire being and, even for just awhile, she felt all her troubles were swept away along the wind.

_I wonder what Luna would think of this...me, riding a punk-ish motorcycle!!!_ Meyrins smiled inwardly. She arrived at Orb Public High School, somewhat disheartened at the rapidly receding joy.

Oh, no, she loved her job here as Head of the Technology Department. It was interesting to teach students who were about her age; boys would continue try to get on her good side and many marveled at her ability to become a teacher at such young age. Both Coordinators and Naturals got along with here just fine.

However, there was one thing she hated about her job -

"Meyrin," a voice greeted her hesitantly. She froze automatically, trying to calm herself and control the rage bubbling inside of her.

"Yes, what is it, Shinn?" Her voice was bitterly cold, and she turned around and stared blankly at the raven-haired man.

_Boy, not man. He's only about 18 yrs old, like me. _Meyrin corrected herself inwardly.

Shinn Asuka had grown taller over the years; he easily towered above her. His hair was still just as unruly as before, but his red eyes were sad rather than angry. He always had this remorseful yet tranquil look these days.

Like her, Shinn took up the job as the P.E. teacher. That was what Meyrin couldn't stand. She had to work in the same school as this...this guy. The guy who broke her sister's heart. The guy who caused her current misery. Sure, they didn't talk a lot, since Meyrin always tried to avoid him.

Meyrin never hated Shinn for almost killing her and Athrun; yet, now, she couldn't help but feel great dislike for him. A part of her rejoice at the fact he had found peace - the part of her who was still his friend. The other part of her - as Luna's sister, hated him for pushing her sister away. She tried not to show it but it was obvious to everyone that she disliked Shinn.

"Um, I...have you...I mean, um, heard anything from Luna?" Shinn stammered, averting his eyes from Meyrin's piercing ones. At the mention of her sister's name, Meyrin's eyes flared in anger.

"How dare you say her name so casually," she hissed, feeling the rush of protectiveness, "Well, guess what? She hadn't contacted me in 4 months, satisfied? And all those e-mails we sent to each other...she didn't say anything! She didn't say anything about herself, like, where she was, how she was doing..."

Feeling breathless, Meyrin took a deep breath, not wanting to lose her composure. Shinn's eyes flickered in guilt.

"Shinn...why? Onee-chan never did anything to you. She never did anything to you...maybe except falling in love with you!" Shinn flinched visibly at that. He turned away and muttered, "I didn't ask her to...I don't deserve her...I can't..."

"You can't love her?" Meyrin sneered, trembling in suppressed rage, "You didn't ask her to? You don't deserve her...how right you are, Shinn. You really don't deserve her."

Seeing Shinn's stiff form, Meyrin's voice turned desperate, almost pleading, "Why, Shinn? Tell me why. Even if you don't love Onee-chan, she is still your best friend, isn't she? You guys are so close together...just you, Onee-chan, and Rey...back then, back in those days, I was envious. That you two managed to become such close friends with Onee-chan."

"I will only bring Luna more pain if she stayed with me," Shinn whispered, walking towards her slowly, "I can't bring myself to love her completely. I'm sorry, Meyrin. I'm sorry for everything, of all the pain I've caused you and Luna...but, my apologies can't do anything to help with this situation anyways..."

He reached out and wiped away a tear trailing down her cheek. Meyrin started, recoiling from his touch. Shinn grimaced and walked away brusquely.

She stared after him, hastily wiping away the remainder of her tears. Even now, she was still slightly afraid of him; she had always thought of him as an insensitive, grouchy guy. But Shinn could also be caring in his own ways. It was the fact that he had actually slapped his sister over a misunderstanding...no, Meyrin couldn't forgive him...not yet.

The day passed by uneventfully, and she tried to take her mind off by focusing really hard in her work. Looking out the window, she could see Shinn passing basketballs to his students, commenting on their skills and such. It seemed that he was really used to his current life.

But she knew he hadn't. She knew he hadn't recover from his pain. She sighed wearily.

The telephone ring cut through the silence, and Meyrin quickly grabbed the phone, half-anticipating Luna's voice from the other end.

"Onee-chan! Are you alright? Are you-"

"Gomen, Meyrin, it's just me," a tired voice said apologetically, and Meyrin's shoulders sagged in disappointment, but she was still surprised that the Representative of Orb would phone her.

"Eh, I'm fine, Cagalli-san. Um, are you okay? You sound exhausted," Meyrin couldn't help but feel awkward at talking to the blonde princess. She always felt somewhat inadequate comparing to Cagalli, the woman who captured Athrun-san's heart...Meyrin shook her thoughts away.

"I'm alright. I just have a rough day, that's all. The reason I'm phoning you because...," the line was silent for awhile, and Meyrin heard the sound of paper flipping, "I think you'd want to go to Moegenroete immediately. Kisaka just informed me that ...the Minerva has arrived."

"Eh?!! The Minerva?! Why? How?" Meyrin almost stopped breathing when she heard the battleship's name.

"The Minerva was repaired sometimes after the war, and it has been in Orbit for awhile, under the command of Captain Jule. You heard Chairman Spencer's speech the other day, right?"

Chairman Spencer of PLANT, on behalf of the Peace Treaty, had decided to send a ZAFT ship around the globe to investigate any signs of terrorism, rebellion and so on. Orb, the neutral nation, will be investigated first, and then Panama (EA's heardquarters), Gibraltar(ZAFT's headquarters on Earth), and finally the ruins of Berlin.

"Yes, I did," Meyrin replied, confused, "but why do I have to-?"

"I had looked through the list of military personnels aboard the Minerva and I found Lunamaria's name," Cagalli said in a straight-towards-the-point voice.

"W-What?!" Meyrin almost dropped the phone in shock, "Onee-chan...re-enlisted? On Minerva?"

"I thought I should let you know, Meyrin," Cagalli's voice was kind and soft, "you can go now, can't you? Go see your sister, I know she will be more than happy to see you. Go find Kisaka first and he'll give you a special pass."

"Oh, thank you, thank you so much!" Meyrin cried gratefully. She stood up quickly, determined.

She ran towards the field, knowing that class had finished several minutes ago. She found Shinn putting the balls back into the baskets.

"Shinn!" She shouted, grabbing his arm and pulling him. He looked bewildered at her action.

"Come. With. Me," she panted, trying to catch her breath, and she pulled him along. "We're going to Moegenroete, now!"

She jumped onto her motorcycle and sped off like a rocket. Shinn had to hold onto her waist tight or he would fall off for sure. Feebly, and still confused, he tried to ask her to slow down but the speed only increased even more.

They arrived at Moegenrate in a record time of ten minutes. Meyrin and Shinn couldn't help but stare in awe of the battleship bfeore them.

It really was repaired. It really was the Minerva.

-

-

End of Chapter 4

-

-

**A/N:** yes, a somewhat tedious chapter, but I wanted to dedicate it to Meyrin. How the situation between Shinn and Luna was seen from Meyrin's point of view. I promise, something big is coming up in the future chapters. There won't be any flashback sections anymore.

Some of you must be wondering what the heck happened to the main cast. Like, the situation between Cagalli and Athrun, Lacus and Kira...well, I'm tentatively planning two companion fics of those two pairings. This is ShinnxLuna's story after all, so I won't be elaborating too much.

Oh yea, so the small paragraph in the begnning of every chapter will be alternating between either Shinn, Luna or those who have an impact on their lives and will appear in that chapter.

Please review!

-

-

Athyra(my birthday tomorrow XDDDDDDDD)


	5. Chapter 5 Farewell

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions._

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

Between her country and the man she loved, she chose to let him go. It wasn't fair, to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of her people. But, then again, life was never fair. She strongly believed in her father, only to find out the Athha ideal had destroyed an innocent family. She saw his angry red eyes, she saw his pain. And now, he was trying to let go of the future, just as she did. It was her last chance to redeem herself; she mustn't let Shinn repeat the same mistake as she did._– Cagalli Yula Athha_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 5 Farewell**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

-_C.E. 75 Moegenroete, Onogoro, Orb- _

"Cheer up, Luna," Dearka patted the magenta-head's back encouragingly, "It's not like we're going to stay there forever...we're only here for a few days."

Luna forced a smile on her face, "It's okay, Dearka, I'm fine..."

"No you are not. Prepare yourself before we get offshore; I don't want my major looking depressed," Yzak barked harshly, "after all, as a Redcoat, you're coming with us."

"Yzak!" Shiho hissed at his fiancee's insensitivity.

"Eh? I'm not a Redcoat, why do I have to go with you?" Dearka frowned.

"Because you're a vice-captain, so suck it up," Yzak huffed, storming away towards the bridge.

Dearka looked stricken in mock pain, "Oh man, more work to do! Man, purple uniform really doesn't suit me!"

Luna looked at Shiho in confusion, "what's with Captain Jule? He seemed...grumpier than usual." Shiho simply smiled.

"Well, itsn't it obvious? We're going to meet Admiral Zala of the Terminal after all. Archangel arrived a few hours before us," Dearka grinned, looking very excited at the idea of meeting the crew from Archangel. Or, a certain freelance photographer from Archangel.

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yzak will have your head if he finds out you didn't listen to his briefing at all yesterday. Seriously, are you alright?" Shiho asked in concern.

Luna averted her gaze," no, I'm fine... just a little tired from the battle stimulation yesterday."

'The Minerva will dock soon. Emergency personnels should be on standby," Abby Windsor, the CIC's voice, rang from the speaker.

_So, we're here..._Luna sighed_, well, I can kind of understand why Shinn was so reluctant to get off Orb...oh gods, will I see him again? I haven't seen him in almost a year...is Meyrin mad at me? Oh god..._

"Come on, Major Hawke," Yzak motioned for her to follow him. Shiho and Dearka already got off and was waiting for them at the base of the ramp. Luna gulped and walked out after Yzak.

"Captain Jule, Vice Captain Elthman, Major Hahnenfuss, Major Hawke, welcome to Orb," the Representative of Orb, Cagalli Yula Athha saluted to them formally. The four ZAFT soldiers saluted back at her. The blonde princess smiled slightly and led the four away to the lounge.

"Lunamaria?" Admiral Athrun Zala stood up in surprise and walked towards them. Yzak glared at him but said nothing. Dearka rolled is eyes.

"Athrun," Luna greeted simply, her face neutral, "Murrue-san. Mwu-san." She saluted to them formally. Athrun blinked, and the Flagas seemed surprised to see her here as well. They didn't have a chance to exchange words as many of the councilmen were anxious to start the meeting already.

All the members of the room sat down in their respective seats. Dearka looked around and was slightly disappointed that he didn't see Miriallia. Figures, she was only an Ensign.

Cagalli began authoritively, "According to the Treaty Chairman Spencer had proposed, three fleets were to patrol the designated areas. The Terminal has agreed to support this treaty, and here is the plan suggested by Chairwoman Clyne of the Terminal: the Eternal, led by Commander Kira Yamato and Captain Waltfeld, will patrol around L4- Mendel Colony and the Moon. The Sahaku family had decided to help us, and Rondo Mina herself will patrol around L3 - Artemis of Eurasia Federation, and Neo Heliopolis. Unfortunately, they cannot join us for this meeting, but I have talked to Chairwoman Clyne herself and rest assured, we had already discussed everything. From Orb, we will send out Archangel, commanded by Captain Ramius," she stopped, indicating the captain to the emirs and councilmen from various places.

"And Admiral Zala and Commander La Flaga will accompany Archangel," Cagalli stared hard into Athrun's eyes, and the latter looked somewhat surprised and annoyed, "they will patrol around the Pacific Ocean, from Carpentaria to Kaoshiung and Victoria. Captain Jule, I believe that Chairman Spencer had already informed you of your route?"

"Yes, Representative Athha," Yzak confirmed curtly.

"Well then, now we shall go through the specifics..."

Luna's eyes blanked out, her ears shutting out the rest of the discussion. Really, she didn't care; she was a Major and she'll have to do whatever job she was given anyways, so she didn't really feel like listening at all. During her stay on Minerva, she wasn't exactly miserable, but not exactly content either. She was just...detached.

"Major Hawke? Major?" Luna snapped out of her thoughts and she replied hastily, "Yes, Representative?"

"I was just asking you if this team list meets your aproval. After all, you're one of Minerva's team leaders," Cagalli smiled lightly, handing her a list of Orb and EA soldiers transferred aboard Minerva.

"Eh? Um, yes. It seemed well-balanced," Luna quickly read through the typed of machines. A platoon of Murasames, Daggers, variations of Windams, and some M1 Astrays...yes, that seemed good enough. Then it just hit her that she'd have to lead this many people.

"Don't worry, I'll be leading half of the team, Luna," Shiho reassured her, "and Dearka can always sortie as well."

Luna nodded, slightly overwhelmed. She never really thought about her rank that much. Sure, she led a few teams during the last war but... as far as she can remember, she was always part of the Shinn-Rey-Luna team. None of them really 'lead' battles, since their teamwork was pretty decent.

_Grow up, Luna, you're a Major now. Live up to your expectations, _Luna told herself firmly.

After awhile, they were finally dismissed from the meeting. Luna sighed in relief and was about to follow Shiho when Captain Ramius stopped her.

"Oh, Murrue-san," Luna looked away in embarrassment, "I don't mean to be indifferent but I guess I was a little...tired. Um, how's Meyrin? Is she...mad at me?" She added in a whisper.

"Nah, she's fine, Luna, but she's definitely worried sick about you! You're gonna stay here for awhile, aren't you? Go to your sister," Mwu grinned.

_It seemed that they aren't really going to ask questions about my re-enlisting in ZAFT..._Luna thought, relieved.

"Go on," Shiho encouraged her, "Yzak and I will go back to the ship...it seems that Dearka was already gone."

"That kid, off to find Milly again eh?" Mwu nodded his head in understanding. Murrue suppressed a chuckle. Luna smiled gratefully at Shiho and followed the Flagas out of the building.

"What's going to happen to Robert?" Luna asked, realizing she hadn't seen the kid in a long time.

"Your sister volunteered to take care of him; when Meyrin's off to work, he can stay in the kindergarden."

Looking around the peaceful scenary in Orb, Luna couldn't help but feel somewhat conspicuous in her uniform. _That's right, you're not just Lunamaria Hawke anymore. You're Major Hawke of Minerva, responsible to lead a team of soldiers. _She reminded herself again.

"Onee-chan!!!" She didn't even have time to turn around as she was enveloped in a fierce hug.

"Meyrin!" Luna gasped in surprise. The Hawke sisters usually didn't express their affections outwardly, so Luna was half-shocked and half-happy at her sister's concern.

The younger girl smiled, but suddenly frowned, looking behind her. She muttered, "Ugh, where did he go? He better not run away..."

"He?" Luna feigned confusion, but in her heart, she already knew which 'he' Meyrin was referring to.

* * *

_- Portside, Onogoro, Orb - _

Shinn's eyes were filled with emotion as he stared at Minerva. All the memories, good and bad, were rushing back to him, pushing through the barrier he'd built around his mind.

Was this why Meyrin brought him here? Because she wanted him to remember?

"Shinn...Asuka?" His eyes went wide when he spotted the woman in Supreme Commander's uniform. He glared at her and spat, "What do you want, Athha?"

Even after settling in Orb, he still couldn't get rid of the the dislike towards Cagalli. Sure, he was living in Orb, the country she governed, but he was no more than a neutral citizen. He never cared about Orb's ideals and never will. Yet, she was coming to talk to him...why? Despite his reluctance to converse, his curiosity got the better of him and he stood his ground.

Cagalli sighed at his tone, but her eyes were determined, "Do you know why you are here, Shinn?"

"How the hell would I know? Meyrin just dragged me here..."

"I see...," she murmured, glancing at the building. A familiar blue-haired man came out, stopped and looked at their way. Cagalli quickly averted her gaze. The man tensed and turned away, walking towards Archangel.

Shinn's eyebrow rose, "Itsn't that Athrun? What's with you two?" He asked off-handedly. Cagalli's eyes flickered with suppressed emotions.

"This is exactly what I want to talk to you about, Shinn," she sighed, "I've made many mistakes, Shinn, very stupid mistakes..."

Shinn made a 'duh' expression, "What else is new?"

She ignored him, "One of the stupidest mistakes was...letting him go. Just like how you let _her_ go," her unflinching ambers eyes met Shinn's startled ones.

"It's none of your concern," Shinn snarled in automatic defence, "Don't talk as if you understand everything!"

"I do understand!" Cagalli shouted, finally unable to keep her temper in check, "Back then, you hated me. Heck, I know you still hate me. Has it ever occur to your stubborn mind that you're not the only one who lost their families?"

The two glared at each other. Whether it was her years of experience as a politician, or his own emotional turmoil, Shinn was unable to withstand her piercing, fiery eyes. He clenched his fist and looked away, "Look, just get to the point. I know you don't really want to speak to me either."

"On the day your family died, my father died as well," Cagalli whispered softly, and Shinn twitched at the mention of his family, "I guess I'm partially responsible for your hatred towards me and Orb, especially during the Second War. I was a horrible leader, wasn't I?"

Shinn opened his mouth to give a snide remark, but words died when he spotted her moist eyes. She seemed sincerely sorry...

"That's why I don't want you to suffer again," Cagalli continued, gazing at the spot where Athrun was a few moments ago, "I don't want you to do the same thing I did...letting go of your future."

"What are you talking about?" Inwardly, Shinn knew what she meant, "I'm fine, dammit! I'm used to my current life in Orb now, what more do you want?"

"But, you're not happy," Cagalli said simply.

"Neither are you," Shinn shot back. The blonde smiled bitterly, "Yes, I am not. Yet you and I are different, Shinn. You have a chance to pursue happiness."

Shinn stared at her silently. After awhile, he spoke softly, "You love him, don't you?"

She chuckled wryly, her bangs covering her eyes, "Is it obvious? That I'm still in love with Athrun?"

Another silence ensued. Casting aside his hatred temporarily, Shinn asked, "So, in another time, another place, without any responsibility whatsoever, you won't let him go?"

"You already know the answer."

Shinn snorted, putting his hands in his pocket, "Right. I wouldn't let her go either..."

"What I'm saying is...don't let the past damage your friendship," Cagalli smiled weakly, "Even though I can't love him, I wish...our friendship still lasts, instead of a professional relationship we have."

The raven-haired man closed his eyes, and sighed. "You know, I'd never imagine a day when I would actually thank you, Athha. I still don't like you but...thanks for the advice."

At this, Cagalli smirked, "Like wise, brat, I still don't like you either."

Shinn growled and stormed away. Cagalli watched him go away, and shook her head, muttering, "If only we're still friends Athrun..."

* * *

_- Small Memorial, Orb - _

After returning to the front entrance of Moegenroete, he discovered that Meyrin already took off. Of course, he was gone for a good while so naturally, she would think he had run away.

Walking back from the portside all the way back to the orphanage was no easy task, but he managed it. Pacing around his room, he'd decided to visit his family's grave. Not essentially the Asuka fmilay's grave, as it was more like a memorial epitaph of those who perished during the Battle of Orb.

He was shocked to find someone standing there in front of the grave. Someone he wanted to see, yet wanted to avoid as well.

"Luna..." her name came out of his mouth before he could stop it.

The magenta-haired girl jolted and whirled around, staring at him in surprise. The tension between them was more than awkward, and Shinn wistfully recalled the light-hearted atmosphere Luna usually brought. Well, he had no one to blame but himself, since he was the one who caused her pain.

His heart clenched in sadness at seeing her appearance. She was thinner and her hair was slightly longer; her azure eyes were guarded and wary. He thought about walking towards her but decided not to seeing her red uniform.

Their paths had already diverged. Things weren't the same as before anymore.

"Um, so...you've re-enlisted...what are you doing here?" Shinn inwardly cursed himself for such an irrelevant question.

Her eyes flickered, "I just thought...I just thought I'd see you...here..." she finished weakly.

His eyes went wide and something akin to hope filled his heart. Unable to suppress his emotions anymore, he rushed forward and wrapped her in his embrace.

She tensed and tried to push him away. "Please, don't make this hard for me, Shinn!"

Reluctantly, he let her go and she quickly backed away in a respectable distance. Shinn clenched his fists, "I'm sorry for everything I did to you, Luna."

She stared at him for awhile. And then she spoke softly, "Meyrin told me you've been coping with your life here pretty well. And I'm happy for you. So don't feel bad anymore, Shinn. I accept the fact you don't love me."

"Stellar will always be a part of me, and it's not fair for you if we still stay together, but you are...," Shinn bit his lips, uncertain how to continue. It wasn't because he didn't love Luna. He knew he definitely loved her as a friend but the other feelings...he wasn't sure. And he had no idea how to express what he felt.

"You'll always love her, I know," Luna smiled slightly, her voice with pain, "I never asked you to forget her, Shinn. It's just... I can't be with you when I know you're not really seeing me as who I am."

At this, Shinn didn't really know what to say. He knew he'd be happy if Luna was with him, but did he love her that way? Did he really love Luna, or was it just an impulsive protectiveness that brought them together during the war?

"It might be too much, Luna, but...can we, still...be friends?" He was surprised at the pleading tone in his voice. He was desperate. Cagalli's words came to his mind and he wanted to be selfish for once. He still wanted her to be a part of his life.

Luna seemed shocked. After awhile, she smiled, " Of course, Shinn. We'll always be friends, no matter what," she held out her hand.

Recalling the first day they met, Shinn grinned and took her hand in his, "Friends forever."

It was a mutual feeling, they can both feel it; after all, they were friends first before they became close with each other. Even after that bond was severed, the link between them will never perish.

"...Good luck, Luna. Please take care of yourself," Shinn said worriedly, glancing at her uniform. Luna's face lit up, "Of course, Shinn. I'm a Redcoat after all."

Glancing at her watch, she gasped, "Oh no, I need to get back Moegenroete, or Captain Jule really will have my head. Farewell, Shinn."

"Good-bye...," Shinn muttered, staring after her retreating form, and an onimous feeling passed over him.

Despite their make-up, he felt a strange emptiness in his guts; he felt that he would never see her again.

-

-

End of Chapter 5

-

-

**A/N:** Well, I don't about you guys but I felt pretty emotional when I wrote this chapter. The whole Athrun-Cagalli thing will be further explored in a possible companion fic. I can't help it but throw it in there. The talk Cagalli had with Shinn was planned from the very beginning, though, but I'd thought I should add some Asucaga angst in it :P

Well, for all the tedious chapters so far, actions shall come up next.

Please Review!

-

-

Athyra


	6. Chapter 6 Destruction

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. _

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

It was natural that soldiers would kill in times of war. She was no exception. Like many others, she had seen fellow comrades fell before her eyes while she sat there idly, unable to do anything. It was war - only the strongest survive. She didn't know there would be a time she couldn't pull the trigger. She didn't know she would see that Mobile Suit again. **–** _Lunamaria Hawke_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 6 Destruction**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- C.E. 75 August 15, Berlin, Germany - _

"Phew, last place to go," Dearka wiped imaginary sweat off his brow, "Man, this is a lot of work! Everything seemed peaceful enough. Finally, Naturals and Coordinators can get along with each other!"

"Don't let your guard down until the last moment," Yzak barked, glaring at his friend, "Last time Destroy was hidden in Berlin. Who knows? Maybe they have something else here again. LOGOs have a lot of underground dealers and connections with mercenaries. They might be planning some kind of revenge on their loss of business partners."

As usual, Luna's mind was far, far away from the conversation. Berlin. The place where many were killed, killed by EA, killed by Destroy. The very Destroy a certain blonde had piloted…

_She was an Extended. She had no choice but to fight. _Luna reminded herself. Stellar Louissier. The EA pilot will forever haunt Shinn's mind, but as his friend, Luna shall not bear any ill thoughts of Stellar.

In truth, she didn't really dislike Stellar at all; after rescuing the blonde dancer, Shinn seemed a lot more mellow and back then, as his friend, Luna was pretty happy at this change of character. She was still pretty hung up on Athrun at that time after all.

Shinn...well, she didn't really know what to think now. Half of her was still celebrating the fact they were 'friends again', and the other half wanted something more.

_Well, you can't have everything, can you? I should be satisfied with the friendship. It's enough..._Luna told herself firmly, even though it was a lie. It wasn't enough. Mere friendship wasn't enough - she knew someday she would regret her lack of actions; after all, she never told Rey what she felt.

Seeing the ruins of Berlin, Luna could almost picture Shinn cradling Stellar, tears streaming down his face. Life wasn't fair, was it? At least, at least he had been able to say goodbye to Stellar. But Luna never got the chance to do the same to Rey...

"Luna, you're zoning out again," Shiho berated her gently, "We'll be launching in a few minutes. As usual, Minerva will be on standby at Point A, while I will lead a platoon and survey around Area 1-10."

"And I'll investigate Area 11-20," Luna finished for her, "Don't worry Shiho, I daydream but I always read instructions."

"Major Hahnenfuss, Major Hawke, report to the hangar immediately," Abby's voice called out to them from the speaker.

Quickly, the two changed into their flight suits and arrived at the prep room.

Soldiers saluted to them in respect; despite being females, the two were the best leaders they'd ever had in their military career.

"I will work my hardest!" Brent, a Zaku pilot who had a crush on Luna saluted to her again. His friends snickered, and Luna was slightly embarrassed at the attention she got.

As she waited in the cockpit of YFX-M56S Core Splendor, she felt slightly uneasy. Normally, she would've just pass this off as pre-launch jitters. But……

She'd felt the same way when they launched for the Battle of Messiah.

"Impulse, you may launch."

Taking a deep breath, she shut the visor of her helmet and cleared everything from her mind. "Lunamaria Hawke, Core splendor, launching!"

Used to the rocking motion, Luna soared into the sky smoothly. The Force Silhouette, Chest Flyer and Leg Flyer soon followed and the Gundam assembled perfectly.

"You know the drill, Major Hawke. Contact the ship immediately when you spot anything suspicious," Yzak's serious face appeared on the screen. Shiho's popped up besides his, "Good luck, Luna."

"You too," Luna grinned and led her team across the field.

Everything went uneventfully as expected; even after two years, the city was still in its devastated state. However, flowers grew across the ruins, symbolizing the recovery of war.

Hearing the beeping of her monitor, Luna checked and spotted three Zakus coming their way.

_That's weird……I didn't know we had some reinforcements, _Luna thought. She was about to send messages to the newcomers but discovered, with dread, that her whole communication system wasn't working.

In fact, the whole platoon's communication system wasn't working, as Luna soon found out. Brent stopped his Zaku and opened his cockpit. From reading his lips, he told her he couldn't contact with their team mates and the Minerva.

A warning beep snapped her attention back to the three strangers and her eyes went wide with horror when a beam rifle shot through Brent's Zaku, which immediately exploded.

Angrily, she swerved around and tried to disarm the enemies but a Strike Dagger suddenly appeared from behind her and sliced off a bit of Impulse's shoulder.

"What-?" Panic filled her when she discovered the monitor and the Friend-and-Foe identification system weren't working as well. No, rather than malfunctioning, it was as if-

"Electromagnetic interference! Damn it, it's a planned ambush!" Luna cursed frantically. Maneuvering Impulse out of harm's way, she used the MS's hands to do military hand signals, trying to tell her team to regroup and return to Minerva.

However, it was useless; chaos had already ensued. She couldn't tell who was friend and who was foe. The ambushers used MS from EA, ZAFT, and Orb……how was that possible?

The only thing she could do was dodge; she could only counter those who tried to attack her, and she watched several MSs fell one by one.

Tears of frustration slid down her cheeks at her own uselessness; she couldn't do anything! Just like that time in Orb, she had failed to shoot down Djibril, and consequently bringing death to thousands of people when Requiem fired at PLANT. Sure, air resistance made it difficult to aim but she was certain Shinn or Rey would've definitely shot down the shuttle.

The fight continued viciously, MS's clashing against each other in a dance of death. Grenades exploded around Impulse and Luna barely had time to dodge a Windam's beam saber.

Without hesitation, she pulled the trigger and destroyed it instantly. Her mind went blank. _That's right, I'm a soldier. I killed a lot of people during the last war. It's the same. The only way to survive, is to kill……_

That was what she told herself. Yet, she couldn't stop tears flowing down her cheek as she continued shooting at the enemies. It had been so long since she pulled the trigger. Two years of peace made it inhumane to kill. Perhaps Stellar Louissier never wanted to pilot Destroy at all. Perhaps the blonde did it only because it was the only way to survive. Now, Luna totally understood the feelings of a cornered cat.

Wildly and expertly, Impulse slashed through the cockpits of incomers. It seemed the ambusher had out-numbered them. From her platoon of soldiers, only two Zakus, one Windam and one Murasame were left . She knew those were comrades since they huddled close to her, shooting at the enemies together. They all recognized her since she was piloting the only unique MS here.

She won't let them die. She recalled Brent's admiration of her and she gritted her teeth in anger. Why? Why did something like this happen? Who was behind the attack?

An enemy Zaku Gunner aimed its plasma cannon at the Murasame. Quickly flying in the path of the shot, Impulse sacrificed its shield and saved the Murasame's pilot's life.

After this, the survivors's teamwork seemed to increase. Their team moral was boosted and sure enough, all of the ambushers were finally destroyed.

Luna grimaced as she surveyed the damage – Impulse had lost one leg and one beam saber; each of the Zakus lost one arm; the Windam's wings were still smoking and sparking with broken wires; the Murasame, except for losing both its arms, seemed to be in the best shape.

Quickly using hand signals, Luna ordered the Murasame to fly back to Minerva ahead of the others. She gestured for the others to follow her. They will all fly back to the battleship, together.

As the worn-down MS's staggered back the direction they came from, they passed by a rather familiar ocean.

_Area 15, good, we're on track at least. Hmmm, isn't this where Shinn defeated Freedom? _Indeed, this part of sea was when "Operation Angel Down" took place. Luna still remembered, vividly, when the smoke had cleared and Shinn emerged as victor of the deadly duel.

Feeling hot and sweaty, she took down her helmet and was mildly surprised to find the visor broken. She touched her cheek and found smudges of blood. Funny, she didn't even realize she was injured. It was no big deal, though, since her wound was pretty shallow, judging from the little amount of blood.

Suddenly, something burst out from the sea and two beam sabers quickly cut through the handicapped Windam. Luna couldn't believe her eyes; her body was rigid with shock as she stared at the enemy.

It was Legend.

"No…it can't be…it's not you……it's not you, is it? Rey?" Her lips trembled as her body remain catatonic. She snapped out of her daze when Legend quickly shot down the two Zakus. Her heart clenched with confusion and anger.

The grey Gundam turned around slowly, as if observing her action. Luna was ready when Legend fired at her. Side-stepping and dashing forward, Impulse lifted its beam saber and clashed down upon Legend's shield.

Rey's cold eyes flashed in her mind and it was enough distraction for the enemy to push Impulse back. The beam saber was knocked out of Impulse's hand and Impulse's wings were slashed off.

Her hands wouldn't respond to her command. All she could see and hear was Rey's emotionless face and voice.

_Emotions are weaknesses._

The six DRAGOON aimed at her and a strange calmness washed over her.

_I'm sorry, Meyrin. I'm sorry……………Shinn………_

Sparks, violent rocking, explosion, smoke, pain, and then icy darkness.

* * *

_- September 1, Orb -_

Carefuly gathering the gifts in his arms, Shinn walked towards the Flaga's residence. He and Meyrin had friendlier interactions after he sort of made up with Luna. Of course, Meyrin still couldn't believe they were only 'friends', but she decided not to push him.

Today was Robert's birthday and he had specially bought cakes and candies for the little boy. "I wanna go to see those cool machines!! Uncle Mwu and Auntie Murrue promised I could!" Robert whined, tugging at Meyrin's skirt. She glanced at Shinn helplessly.

Sighing, Shinn patted the boy's head, "Alright, alright. It's your birthday after all. I still have that permit from last time. I suppose I might be able to bring you there."

Upon arriving at Moegenroete, the three were startled to see the Minerva again. The battleship was severely damaged, just like the time during the Battle of Crete. The Archangel had returned earlier and was unscathed.

"Oh my god-" Meyrin gasped and ran towards the hangar immediately. Shinn picked up Robert and followed her. The workers let them pass at seeing their permits, though most of them seemed too distracted to care.

"Meyrin, Shinn!" Athrun and Cagalli were in the hangar as well.

"What happened? Why's the Minerva-?" Meyrin panted, her eyes wide with fear.

Athrun opened his mouth to reply, but another voice beat him to it. "We were ambushed by followers of LOGOs."

Captain Yzak came towards them or, rather, limped towards them. He was supported by Shiho, whose forehead was wrapped in a bandage. Dearka walked ahead of them, his arm in a sling. Shinn half-expected Luna's scowling, annoyed face to materialize any moment, complaining about the mission. He felt numb when he saw no sign of her.

"Explain," Cagalli gestured for them to sit down. Yzak groaned lightly as Shiho carefully eased him into the chair.

"It was awful," Yzak's voice wavered a little, "The surveying process went as usual when we arrived in Berlin. The areas Shiho and her team scouted were normal. After a long time, Major Hawke's team still hadn't return, and Minerva's monitor wasn't picking up anything at all. We were about to go find them when a heavily damaged Murasame barely returned. The pilot was fine, and he told us everything."

"Where's Onee-chan?" Meyrin's voice quivered, voicing out exactly what Shinn wanted to ask but was too paralyzed to do anything.

Dearka looked at her sympathetically, "The Murasame was the only survivor...I'm sorry."

A strangled sob escaped the younger girl and she fell forward in a dead faint. Athrun caught her in time and lay her onto a vacant chair as well. Robert seemed to understand the tension and sat by Meyrin, shocked into silence. Athrun glanced at Shinn, who was rigid and his red eyes were blank.

"What happened, then?" Cagalli 's voice was grim.

Yzak glanced at the motionless Shinn, and replied, "As you can see, Representative, we were assaulted by a well-organized massive army consisting of units from ZAFT, EA and Orb. Under the ruins of Berlin, there must be a terrorist organization anticipating our arrival. First, they discharged an electromagnetic field and rendered Major Hawke's team isolated from us. Using the confusion caused by the similar units, they annihilated most of her team. Major Hawke and some survivors managed to defeat them, and she sent the Murasame back to us to warn us. On her way back, she and the survivors were ambushed by what was, apparently, the Legend."

Shinn flinched, snapping out of his shocked reverie.

"When we arrived, there was only Legend and several other strange MAs. We managed to make them retreat but we didn't win either," Shiho whispered, "We had suffered a lot of casualties. Yzak saved my life, and Dearka sacrificed his MS to protect the Minerva."

"We're lucky that we're alive," Dearka muttered, looking at the unconscious Meyrin with pity. Cagalli clenched her fist and walked away, giving instructions to several soldiers. She and Kisaka left for the Orb Parliament immediately, no doubt to contact the Eternal and Chairman Spencer.

Athrun put his hand on Shinn in a comforting gesture, but the latter felt nothing. Shinn's mind was still blank; his train of thought stopped functioning long ago.

"Captain Joule, sir, where should I put Major Hawke's belongings?" A soldier walked up to them, holding a big box of items.

At that, Shinn instinctively snatched the box and opened it frantically. His heart stopped when he saw pictures of him, Rey and Luna. Pictures of them in the academy; pictures of them on the ceremonial day; pictures of them when they graduated, and more.

His hand trembled as he picked up a picture of just him and Luna. It was the picture they took together a year ago during their trip to Berlin. She seemed so carefree and happy in this picture, and he looked...content and peaceful. Why didn't he realize the importance of Luna in his life?

His breath quickened when he took out the object that took most of the space in the box. Shiho spoke up sadly, "It was the only thing we could find...nothing was left of the Impulse."

Shinn stared at the singed, battered helmet in his hands. It just hit him that Luna was really gone...she was really gone.

_Why? Not you too...you said we'd be friends forever. Why did you leave me like Mayu and Stellar did? Why, Luna, WHY?Even after what I did, even after I tried to keep a distance between us...no, it was because of what I did..._

He ran away abruptly, his bangs covering his tearful eyes. Athrun called after him but he gave no response.

He ran and ran. When he got tired, he stopped and gasped for breath. Then his run continued. It was just another nightmare, right? It was just another frigging nightmare. Life wouldn't be so cruel to take Luna away too, right?

Before he realized it, he was already at the memorial. The sun had already set, as if portraying the darkness in his life.

Now that he was alone and vulnerable to the night, his emotions rushed out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

His anguished cry echoed in the empty seashore, hauntingly familiar to the time he had lost his family and Stellar.

Another realization hit him. It hurt just as much when Stellar died. The raw pain. The loss of hope. Tears slid down his cheeks, his body trembling in remorse. Oh god, he loved Luna all along, but he was too stubborn to admit that. He was too afraid to embrace the future. Now it was too late. He will never tell her how he truly felt.

_I have nothing to live for. There was no point in living anymore, is there? Yes, I should have thought about this long ago. This way, I can see Mayu again. Stellar and Rey too. And now, I can tell Luna my real feelings..._

Irrational thinking took over, and his eyes went blank.

With a single leap, he jumped into the ocean and closed his eyes, awaiting blissful death.

-

-

End of Chapter 6

-

-

**A/N:** Um, yes, big chapter here. Destruction of the peace. I tried to be descriptive and specific when it comes to the battle and mechanics...

Please Review!

-

Athyra


	7. Chapter 7 Life

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, the hole won't heal. Neither would his. Either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. OCs will appear in this chapter and more in the future, but the plot would still be focused on Shinn and Luna._

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _**Read the dates carefully**!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

He was a loner; he had always been and always will be. He was too different from everyone else.  
His future was predetermined because he was a clone. Yet, they made him feel otherwise. He felt accepted, he felt like he was an equal being as them. Therefore, he blamed himself for having certain feelings for the magenta-haired girl. She made him feel happy; she made him feel worthy of living. Yet he had hurt her and pushed her away. So, he had decided to entrust her to his best friend. He knew Shinn would take care of Luna better then he ever will. **–** _Rey za Burrel_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 7 Life**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- Unknown - _

Shinn opened his eyes tiredly. He had felt like this before...what the? He was transparent!!

_I am dead, right?_

Looking around the environment curiously, he found himself floating in a rather...colorful...space. Wait, he remembered now - he had come here before, when he and Stellar met one last time.

"Luna? Stellar? Rey? Mayu?" Shinn shouted desperately. His voice was strangely muffled in this unknown space. He was certain he could be reunited with them...

"Onii-chan, you shouldn't be here," a small voice scolded him gently. Tears started to form in his eyes when he saw a familiar figure floating before him.

Mayu Asuka was gazing at her brother with adoration. She put her hands on her hips, like a parent scolding a child.

It really was her...it was his sister!! Shinn dove forward with all his might, trying to reach her but somehow the distance between them grew wider and wider.

Mayu shook her head sadly, "I'm sorry, Onii-chan. You should go back."

"Why? Everyone is here...you're here. I've got nothing to live for!!"

"You got nothing to live for? The Shinn I know doesn't give up easily," a monotonous voice murmured.

Rey za Burrel folded his arms, his crystal clear blue eyes observed Shinn's movements carefully. Shinn was speechless. No matter what Rey did, no matter what had happened, Rey will always be his best friend. He had never resented Rey; there were just so many times Rey had helped him, including the time he returned Stellar back to EA. To him, Rey was his mentor, his brother...

"You have a future, Shinn, something I don't have," Rey smiled lightly, "A future with Lunamaria."

Shinn clenched his fists and whispered bitterly, "Luna is...because of me, I..."

"Don't blame yourself for everything. It's enough. It's time to let go of your inner demons, Shinn, and allow yourself to be happy. Besides, Lunamaria isn't here."

Shinn looked up in surprise. His lips trembled as hope entered his mind. He blinked in shock when the colorful background began to get whiter and whiter.

"Go, Shinn. When you find Lunamaria, can you," Rey looked away, "Tell her I'm sorry?"

"Rey..."

"I can't bear to face her. I don't want to make her suffer anymore," Rey muttered sadly, "But you're different, Shinn. You make her happy. Please, take care of her."

"I promise," Shinn replied gravely, "and I'm also going to find the bastard who hurt her and used your mobile suit..."

"No. Don't become fixed on revenge. You saw the result of revenge. I believe Athrun had reprimanded us about that before. And now, I agree with him as well."

Shinn couldn't find the words to reply. Rey was right. He had been filled with too much hatred...he should never restart that cycle of revenge again. It would only bring more hatred to the world.

"I enjoyed the time we spend together; just me, you and Lunamaria. You made feel like I belong. You made me forget I was a clone. I just wished I had viewed our friendship more than Gil's words..."

"Why do you always call her Lunamaria?"

"I want to achieve a suitable distance between her and me. I didn't want to...or rather, I was afraid to become too close to her. And I was right to do that."

Shinn had no idea what his best friend felt about her so needless to say, he was shocked. Before he could say anything else, he felt himself being pulled backwards, further and further from Rey and Mayu.

He knew it was weird to ask such question but he did anyways. "Are you happy here, Rey?"

The blonde shrugged, "I don't know. I'm definitely bored, though. I don't want to disturb Gil and Captain Gladys, and Rau is arguing with this 'Al da Flaga'. There's not much to do around here except looking at you guys."

Shinn's eye went wide, "Looking at...us?"

At this, Rey smirked uncharacteristically, "Oh yes, the time you kept staring at Lunamaria when she was wearing the bikini, or the time you hit a student because he was too annoying...yes, all that."

Once again Shinn was speechless, but a different kind of speechlessness. But it felt great. It felt great to speak to his best friend again, freely. Rey seemed so much livelier now, too.

The young Asuka waved at her brother, "Thanks for keeping my cellphone with you always, Onii-chan. Thanks for cherishing it so well."

Feeling his heart cracking in longing and pain, Shinn managed to speak, "would you...would you tell Mom and Dad that I miss them?"

Mayu saluted, "No problem, Onii-chan." He smiled, but he knew tears were falling down his cheeks, "I love you, Mayu... you're the best sister a guy could ever ask for. You'll always be here," he put his hand on his heart.

"I love you too, Onii-chan! I'm happy to be your sister!!" Even though she was transparent, Mayu's tears still showed.

"Live on, Shinn. There are still many people who still need you. Don't ever let go of your life like this again...life is precious, and you will protect not only your own, but others' as well. Good luck, Shinn. You can do it," Rey nodded at him, giving him a light smile.

Everything became white.

* * *

_- Small Memorial_ - 

Shinn sat up abruptly, coughing up water breathlessly, gasping for air. Someone whacked his back in attempts to help him.

"Thank god you're alright, Shinn," Athrun sighed in relief, "Don't you ever do something like this again!"

"How...how did you..."

"Well, I ran after you, but I lost sight of you for awhile. But then, upon arriving at the memorial park, I saw your phone," Athrun held up the pink contraption, "So I assumed you must have jumped..."

Shinn stared into space. _Thank you, Mayu..._ His sister's and Rey's voices were still fresh in his mind, and he couldn't fight back his tears. He wept for his family; he wept for his best friend and especially to those who once fought along by his side.

Athrun patted his back sympathetically; in a way, the blunette understood what it felt like to lose someone you loved.

"Anyways, we better get back to Morgenroete. I don't want to leave Meyrin alone," Athrun offered Shinn his hand and he pulled him up.

"Luna's still alive," Shinn muttered suddenly, causing the blunette to look at him quizzically.

Athrun blinked and decided not to ask anymore questions.

When they returned to the building, Meyrin was already awake but her face was still pale. Yzak and the others already left, presumably to the soldier's quarters. The red-hair girl's gaze was glued onto the picture she held in her hand.

"Meyrin?" Athrun touched her shoulder gently. She jolted slightly.

"Oh hey Athrun-san," her voice was high and overly cheerful. It was obvious that she was trying to be strong.

Athrun sighed, "You don't have to do this, Meyrin."

Her hand trembled and she hung her head, her bangs covering her eyes. "But s-she..she's really gone...I-I..."

"No she's not," Shinn said firmly, sitting down besides her, "Luna's not gone yet. I'm certain, and I will find her. I promise you, I will find her."

Meyrin and Athrun stared at him in confusion.

"I know you don't believe me but...," Shinn paused, recalling the extraordinary meeting with the deceased, "when I almost died, I saw my sister and Rey."

Meyrin blinked, still confused, "You almost died - ?"

He scratched his hair nervously, "Um, yeah, that's not important and...well, Rey told me Luna isn't 'there'. That means she must be alive somewhere." _Wait a minute, I didn't see Stellar either...what does that mean?_

"How is he?" Meyrin asked quietly. Even though she wasn't as close to Rey, she still cared. Shinn closed his eyes. "He's doing great, Meyrin. Great enough to tease me, even. It felt really awesome, to speak to my best friend one more time..."

Athrun nodded in agreement. He had similar situation as well.

"Well, Shinn, would you like to help us then?" He spoke suddenly, "The situation at hand is dire, and we need all the help we can get. I know you're an excellent pilot, Shinn. You can definitely help us."

"How? I'm...I'm just a normal civilian now."

"I'm an Admiral...I'm sure I can do something but...Shinn, are you willing to become a soldier again...for Orb?" Athrun asked solemnly.

As expected, the younger man was silent. But then, Cagalli's words suddenly went across his mind and he sighed.

"It's for the sake of peace, not because I want to be an Orb soldier or anything."

Athrun smiled, "Alright, let me just propose this to ...Representative Athha." The blunette left brusquely.

_Baka Athha was right. There really are some issues between the two of them. Well, I assure you, that will never happen to me and Luna again...that is, if I can find her._

"Shinn," Meyrin whispered weakly, "Please bring back my sister. I...I," she swallowed hard, "I believe in you."

He held her hand and his voice was full of promise, "Don't worry, I _will _come back with Luna."

* * *

_- C.E. 76 September 4, Battleship Minerva, Berlin, Germany_ - 

It had almost been a year since that fateful day. A year, the longest year in Shinn Asuka's life. Even with his trust in Rey's words, he couldn't help but feel utterly miserable. He felt so empty; the only solace was that Meyrin would communicate with him regularly. It was obvious the girl was still trying recover from the loss yet still trying to keep on hoping.

_That's right, she's the only one I can link back to my old life on Minerva..._ He stared at the sea forlornly. Ah yes, sea...whenever he saw the sea, he would be reminded of Stellar and Lunamaria. Both places were where they rest in peace-

_No! I mustn't think this way! I know I can still find her!_ Shinn told himself firmly. There were times he wanted to give up. It had been so long. But Shiho suggested that perhaps Luna was in a coma and unable to contact them. Dearka, unusually serious, said that she might've been captured by the enemy. Yzak, being less friendly and more direct, thought Luna didn't survive. If Impulse could be damaged beyond belief, how could the pilot had possibly survived?

The first time Yzak had said that Shinn almost punched the older man. However, he learned to get used to Captain Joule's frank personality. Captain Joule, deep inside, must believe in Shinn's words because why else would they be still searching for Major Hawke?

After Athrun managed to get Shinn transferred aboard Minerva, Shinn was rather reluctant and revisintg the battle ship. Then he remembered that if Luna could, why couldn't he? She faced her past, so will he. He still kept a distance with the other members board - after the attack, only ZAFT soldiers dared to stay on board. Earth Alliance and Orb soldiers all transferred back to their respective mother ships. Therefore, Shinn was the only Orb soldier aboard Minerva.

Funny, he, who hated Orb, was now an Orb soldier boarding his old battleship and piloting his old friend, Destiny.

Destiny was restored to its former glory, courtesy of Terminal. It had been kept in Morgenroete for a long time. It seemed that Lacus Clyne really had a knack of predicting the future (like the times she and Terminal stole Strike Freedom and Infinite Justice from ZAFT and conveniently gave the two units to Kira and Athrun). Did the songstress know he would be needing Destiny's strength, again?

No matter, even though he knew he would never grow too close to them, Shinn was grateful for their help.

He walked back to his room and stared at th empty bed opposite of his. It had been so long but he still couldn't stop thinking the old days. He could still picture Rey looking at him neutrally, asking him what was the matter after his nightmares. Some things were just too damn hard to let go.

After hearing the speaker phone rang, Shinn quickly turned on the screen and he smiled lightly. "Hey, Meyrin, what's up?"

The red-haired girl smiled back wearily, "Oh, nothing, I just want to see how you're doing."

Even though the Hawke sisters didn't look alike, Shinn's automatically went to Luna whenever he saw Meyrin. He sighed apologetically, "Sorry, Meyrin, we still haven't found any leads yet."

"Come on, silly, what're you apologizing for?" Meyrin looked away, "I said that I trust you and I still do. After all, it took Murrue-san two years to find Mwu-san-" she broke off, glancing at Shinn worriedly.

His face was grim. "It's fine, Meyrin. It's been so long. I won't let that issue bother me anymore." _That's what broke me and Luna apart in the first place, accidental as it was..._

"Could you bring me more painkillers?" A voice from the background groaned weakly. Meyrin left hastily and returned a few moments afterwards.

"How's Athha? She feeling alright?" Shinn asked reluctantly. Disliking Athha or not, technically she was still his boss. For the past few years, Meyrin's been working for Cagalli, as her secretary, so she would get first-hand information about her sister. In fact, it was Cagalli herself who arranged it. Having certain amount of power did have its uses.

"Yes, Cagalli-san's fine, though we're really worried since we couldn't determine the cause of the headache. I'm sure she's just overstressed, with Eternal's incident and Archangel was-"

"Was what?" Shinn couldn't help but feel slightly unnerved. Athrun was still his friend and it was natural that he would be worried.

Before Meyrin would reply, the alarm went off.

"Condition Red! Condition Red! Pilots should be on standby in the conference room!"

"Sorry, gotta go. Talk to you later," Shinn quickly cut off the line before Meyrin could say anything.

Adrenaline rushed to his head and he quickly ran towards the pilot's room. Dearka and Shiho were already there.

"What was it this time?" Shinn asked nonchalantly.

There were no major attacks on Earth after that day - only a few small ambushes that was easily suppressed, since there were no electromagnetic inteferences. Up in space, however, was a different story; the Eternal was attacked quite a few times and the ship lost contact with Orb not too long ago. Shinn and the others didn't really know what happened though. Chairman Spencer wanted to send Minerva back to space but Orb offered to send Archangel instead.

Shinn was pretty sure the Eternal was alright; after all, Kira Yamato would protect the ship, no matter what. Kira, his archnemesis, was also a MS pilot he respected a lot. No matter how he used to hate Kira, he knew Kira would fight to protect, without fail. But Meyrin mentioned something about Archangel...he shook his head, trying to focus on the current matter.

"It seemed that we picked up some transmission at the base near Berlin," Shiho said, pointing to the 3D image on the table.

Berlin was thoroughly investigated by a lot of military power, and a base was found abandoned. It seemed the terrorist group had long left, leaving nothing behind. Chairman Spencer decided to destroy the base in case the terrorists come back. No one knew where they went - and this was exactly what Minerva's mission was.

"Minerva will stay here," Yzak's face appeared on the screen, "We can't be too careless. Shinn and Shiho, take two teams and go investigate the ruins. If you encounter anything suspiscious, fire the retreat signals into the air. I've already asked the mechanics to install two on each of your MS."

"Yes, Captain," Shinn and Shiho saluted. Yzak gazed at Shiho briefly before cutting off the transmission. Dearka snickered but stopped when Shiho hit his arm. Yup, that was Yzak's way of showing he cared.

Shinn sat in the cockpit, tension straining his muscles. He was more than anxious, but he wasn't scared at all. He had made a promise and he will keep it this time. Perhaps, this time, he might find some lead on Luna's whereabouts.

"Destiny, you may launch."

He took a deep breath and put on his helmet. "Shinn Asuka, Destiny, launching!"

The MS shot out from the portside launch bay, opening its magnificent wings and flew forward in a deadly speed.

"Good luck, Shinn," Shiho's voice came from the transmission. He saw her Zaku Phantom and her team flew away in the other direction.

Shinn only nodded, and decide to add, "You too." It wouldn't hurt to wish other people good luck. He needed to be more open. What was the harm in acting more casual?

When he reached the ruins, his heart clenched in anger. _This is it. This is where Luna had fought. Those bastards...Damn it, why this place? Why Berlin?_

With practiced ease, Shinn manuvered Destiny gracefully and dodged 6 beam shots. There was no warning - it seemed there was electromagnetic inteference again.

Furiously, he swerved around to meet his attacker. His eyes went wide and he felt something in him snapped.

His senses seemed to become heightened and he shouted in rage, even though he knew the enemy wouldn't hear him.

"Who are you? What did you do to Luna?"

There, backed by a mass of MS from all three alliances, and floating in front of him, was Legend.

* * *

_- C.E. 75 October 24, Berlin, Germany -_

Tears slid down her cheeks slowly as she struggled to remain unconscious. She didn't want to leave that strange place. She didn't want to leave her parents again.

_We're so proud of you, sweetheart. We're so sorry we couldn't be with you when you need us the most. You've grown up into a fine lady._

_And a fine Major too. That's my girl._

_So that's why you need to live. Your sister needs you. _

"Mom...dad...," her lips moved weakly as her parents voices faded.

Gradually, Lunamaria became aware of her surroundings, and pain rushed at her at once. She gasped in surprise at the intensity of the pain all over her body. _Okay, if this is what death feels like, it's not worth it at all._

After awhile, she became somewhat numb to the pain and she opened her eyes sluggishly. She was lying on what seems to be hospital-ish bed, with all those monitor stuff around her. She couldn't move her body at all, but she was definitely not paralyzed otherwise there wouldn't be any pain.

She was in a pretty simple house; it had a white ceiling and everything seemed to be organized neatly. That was all she could see due to restricted movements. She had difficulty breathing and the only body parts she can move were her eyelids and lips.

_Ugh, how the heck did I survive anways? I'm pretty sure Impulse exploded ...which can probably explain my injury..._

"Are you awake?" A soft voice said in relief and Luna's azure eyes glanced at the speaker.

She was in shock. It was someone hauntingly familiar. Blonde hair, magenta eyes - there was no doubt about it.

_Stellar Louissier?_

-

-

End of Chapter 7

-

-

**A/N:** As stated beofore, I don't bring people back alive, so that's not Stellar. As for Luna surviving the attack - well, if Mwu can survived the positron canon from Dominion without a helmet and losing any limbs, and that Kira and Athrun can survive after being stabbed through the cockpit, Luna can certainly survive beam shots that didn't hit her. So Luna's section happened before Shinn boarded Minerva...

There will be OCs in the future, but the plot still focuses on Shinn and Luna. That's why the other events were only briefly mentioned. (those events will be elaborated in the companion fics/sequel) OCs are there to, well, prompt something to the protagonist...

As for the Rey part...think of it as a LunaRey fan's rant. I've always wanted to find a reason why Rey never called Luna by her nickname. So now, hopefully it's realistic enough.

Okay, 2 more chapters to go!

-

-

Athyra


	8. Chapter 8 Tomorrow

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, the hole won't heal. Neither would his. Either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. **OCs alert, but the plot would still be focused on Shinn and Luna.**_

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _Read the dates carefully!!!

-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

-

Hope never existed in my life, neither did my memories. All I need to know was to kill, kill and kill. It was the only way to survive. Everyday was the same; there was no past no future. Yet, Shinn gave me a tomorrow. So I will give him the same too - he will have a tomorrow, with the one he loves. **–** _Stellar Louissier_

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Chapter 8 Tomorrow**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- C.E. 75 Berlin, Germany - _

Luna wanted to say something, anything, but her throat was too raw and she ended up in a severe coughing fit.

The blonde woman was by her side instantly, with a glass of water in her hand. She carefully eased the water down Luna's throat, making sure she didn't choke. Weakly, Luna stared at the blonde in confusion.

"Sorry, you must have a lot of questions for me," the woman said apologetically, "My name is Esmeralda Louissier, but you can call me Ella for short. You must be wondering why you are here..."

Luna blinked slowly, trying to speak but she still couldn't utter a single sound. _No, I just want to to know more about you...why do you have the same last name as ...her?_

Granted, Ella didn't look identical to Stellar; Ella seemed older than Luna and had higher cheek bones. Her hair was straight and a lot longer than Stellar's. But her eyes were exactly the same shade, and her voice was the same as Stellar's. Or was it Luna's imagination?

Luna wanted to sit up but she couldn't summon up any strength at all.

Ella seemed to understand her question. She whispered gently as if not to startle her patient, "You're in my underground lab in Berlin. I found you when I was collecting for special herbs. Yes, outlandish as it sounds, there are some types of plants that grow on the wintry hills. I have all sorts of equipments here. I dragged the remains of your cockpit here. You've been unconscious for almost two months."

Luna's eyes went wide in shock, completely speechless. Two months? The short time she had been reliving her past life with her parents was that long? While she'd been trapped in the past, she had lost two months in reality?

_Oh god, Meyrin, Shinn..._ She shivered, trying to think further but couldn't. She was tired. Ella gazed at her sympathetically and coaxed her to rest for now.

Before sleep claimed her, Luna managed to croak out her question. "Why...do you...Stellar...you are..."

Ella froze and covered her mouth as her eyes lit up in joy, "You know my little sister? Please, tell me how she is!"

Upon seeing the look of joy on Ella's face, Luna couldn't bring herself to reply. _Her sister...that explains it..._

Darkness claimed her once again, but this time she felt slightly better at ease.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Luna had grown used to the rountine everyday: she would wake up, Ella would feed her since she couldn't move, they would attempt to converse, awkward silence would follow, and she would fall asleep once again.

Sighing wistfully, Luna couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't dead. She had no objections against living but...well, better dead than being miserable, right? _I mustn't think this way - optimistic, that's what I should be, because that's who I am_. She rolled her eyes.

_Be who you are, _Shinn's words from when they first met rang in her mind, and she felt a small smile quirk at her lips.

"How are you feeling? Can you move at all?" Ella asked gently, sitting on a chair besides the bed.

"I'm alright. I can move my fingers," Luna's index fingers lifted feebly before sinking back onto the blanket, "a little."

Silence was beginning to get on her nerves. She sighed in resignation, "You've been dying to ask me more about Stellar, don't you?"

Ella looked up hopefully, and guilt penetrated Luna at what she was about to say.

"I'm sorry, Ella-san, but, um, Stellar's dead." _Awkward awkward awkward, _she chanted inwardly. She could understand Ella's feelings; she was completely crushed when she had though Meyrin died, back then.

Ella didn't reply; she exhaled deeply and whispered, "Tell me everything. Please."

Luna gulped down her discomfort; it was difficult to tell a story of someone she wasn't exactly friends with, someone she practically knew nothing about. She managed to describe how she knew Stellar: a soldier of Earth Alliance, an ace pilot of Gaia and later...Destroy...

"Stellar piloted that _thing_?" Ella winced and her eyes narrowed in contempt, "Just what did those Earth Alliance..._creeps_ do to her?"

"She was an Extended, so she didn't know what she was doing, "Luna quickly said defensively. Ever since that fight with Shinn, she'd been particularly sensitive about the 'Extended' subject.

"Yes, but it didn't change the fact many people died," Ella closed her eyes sadly, "I was one of the people helping ZAFT with the medicinal treatments after the attack. I saw how devasting it was. And all I could think about is my little sister, an innocent toddler, dancing away-"

She stopped, wiping away a tear hastily, "I wish those creeps took me instead of Stellar. So then, she wouldn't be turned into-" she broke off again, trembling in obvious distress.

From bits and pieces of her words, Luna managed to figure out what had happened: Stellar was taken away when she was little, and experimented on by those Earth Alliance guys. As for Ella, she was sent to medical school instead because she was extremely smart. The two sisters never met again.

Luna quivered at the thought of never seeing Meyrin again; it was terrible enough to lose one's parents, but sibling as well? She admired Ella, really.

Luna thought she might understand more about Stellar Louissier. It was a weird feeling - by knowing more about Stellar, she felt she was closer to Shinn somehow. Ella represented what Stellar would've been like if she weren't taken before. The magenta-head felt much-needed peace in her usually raging heart.

"She died in the arms of the man she loved," Luna suddenly spoke, and she surprised herself to find no bitterness in her voice. Ella smiled sadly, "Tell me more about her, please."

The two went on talking, the previous tension already gone. Perhaps it was company they needed; someone to confide their pains in - someone who was a complete stranger but was connected to them somehow.

And now, Luna discovered she could talk about Stellar Louissier wih a free heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It took Luna more than four months to completely heal from her injury, and three more months to get back on her feet, literally. She was unaware of the timeframe however - she'd lost track of time long ago. Ella said her nerves was damaged in the attack so that was why it took so long to heal. With time and Ella's medicines, she was able to recover. Of course, she had to walk with a cane for now (which annoyed the hell out of her - after all, she was an active girl and liked to move around without restrictions).

"So, you seriously dragged Impulse's cockpit back here all by yourself?" Luna asked incredulously.

"Yes," Ella grinned proudly, "This is my secret lab after all, and I have all sorts of equipments and underground tunnels. I also helped with the reconstruction of Berlin too, Luna-san."

"Wow. It sounds like you're involved in some kind of secret organization or something," Luna chuckled, but she didn't miss the surprised and wary look in Ella's eyes.

"Um, yes it does," Ella's eyes shifted uncomfortably. Luna narrowed her eyes suspiciously but decided not to pursue more. Ella did save her life after all, so surely she wouldn't mean her any harm? Ella trusted her enough to show her the lab...

"Holy-how did you-" Luna stammered, opening her eyes wide at the mecha before her. It was Core Splendor, almost rebuilt back into its former self.

"Um, yes, I fiddled around the remains of the cockpit and, um, voila," Ella averted her gaze. "Oh, yes, I still need to paint it .What color would you like it to be, Major Hawke?"

Luna closed her eyes and she could almost see images of her friends; Meyrin, Vino, Youlan, Rey and Shinn back on Minerva...Rey's cold, blue eyes and Shinn's ruby orbs...

"Red."

"Red?!" Ella seemed astonished, "But, it's like, it's like the color of blood..."

"No it isn't; it's the color of warmth," Luna replied quietly, staring into space.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Naturally, she 'd been trying to contact the outside world, but apparently the lab didn't have any communication devices, which was rather suspicious. Luna couldn't make up her mind about Ella - enemy, or foe?

Ella was a good friend and helped Luna recover. Major Hawke was no longer there - Luna was just Luna, no one else. It was easy to forget her past. It was easy to just not think about it. Recently, however, she found herself spending more and more time just staring at Core Splendor, longing to fly it again - to re-experience the joy of flight and being an ace-pilot of ZAFT.

Yes, ZAFT - her proudest achievement, being a ZAFT redcoat. But by doing nothing and dwelling on the past continuously, Luna knew she would not be worthy of being one.

Nightmares still occurred from time to time - her inability to stop Djibril escaping, her helplessness at saving her teammates, terrifying visions of Meyrin, Rey and Shinn dying...

_I wish Rey was here. he'd tell me what to do. A harsh scolding, anything, _Luna closed her eyes wearily. She could almost see the blonde's expressionless face and steely eyes, reprimanding her in his emotionless voice.

"Luna-san, I need to tell you something. I can't...lie to you anymore, " Ella's unusually cool voice spoke up behind her suddenly.

Luna's military training kicked in as she felt a cold shiver down her spine. She braced herself and gripped the cane tight, ready to retaliate at any moment.

She turned around slowly, and wasn't startled to see a gun pointing at her.

"Aren't you surprised?" Ella smiled lightly. It was a cold smile.

Luna didn't answer; her eyes were still trained on the gun with confusion. She had suspicions, but she was still rather hurt by this revelation. _Maybe it was alright...to be killed by Stellar Louissier's sister,_ she thought vaguely, not exactly sure where that came from.

"I resent Earth Alliance, you know that," Ella continued, "I hate them for destroying my family and Berlin. But I also hate ZAFT for their weak structure - blindly following a leader, fighting to destroy Logos yet fighting to protect Requiem, which was ersponsible for the deaths of their fellow citizens. I cannot forgive either side for forming peace so easily. There is no retribution!! Do they think harmony can be established by mere words? By Lacus Clyne and her followers? By Cagalli Yula Athha and Orb?" Her voice rose up a notch with bitterness and anger.

Still, Luna remained silent; she understood, on some level, of Ella's feelings. After all, Luna was enemies with Earth Allliance and Orb. She had chosen to follow Dullindal's words and Shinn to protect Requiem, and was ultimately defeated by the Triple Alliance.

"And it's not just me: there are so many people who shared my opinion - disliking the way peace is established without any punishments at all. And thus the terrorist groups you mentioned - I helped them build Surtr, a Mobile Suit that can cause electromagnetic interference and other radio waves, disabling enemy MS and battleships. But then," Ella's voice wavered, "I saw the destruction it brought. So when I saw your battered cockpit...I brought you back. You have no idea how relieved I was to see you wake up. Even now, I don't regret my decision for leaving that organization. From your stories, I begin to think that perhaps, the current world isn't as bad as I thought."

Luna could see her own reflection from the shiny gun barrel; her face was just as emotionless as Rey's. Was that what Rey felt - that he couldn't decide what emotion he was feeling so he settled for a blank face instead?

Ella's eyes narrowed, and Luna was reminded of the feral look in Stellar's eyes when she was captive on Minerva. However, to her surprise, Ella looked down guiltily and changed the direction of the gun, as if offering Luna the weapon.

"You're a good person, Lunamaria. That's why I can't keep this secret any longer," the blonde said lightly, "I co-constructed Surtr, so I'm ultimately responsible for your team's destruction and your current condition."

"What are you doing?" Luna asked monotonously, staring at the gun. Ella seemed puzzled, "Well, aren't you going to take revenge on me? For your teammates deaths?"

Luna's fingers twitched. Anger surged through her being - the person right before her was responsible for so many deaths. She could avenge her comrades right this instant.

Her hand closed over the gun slowly, and with a casual swing, she threw the gun behind her. Ella stared at her as if she was crazy.

"That's stupid," Luna sighed, "So what if I kill you? Is that going to change anything?" She had seen enough - Stellar Louissier annihilated Berlin and was therefore killed. Because of her death, Shinn became obsessed with revenge and destroyed Freedom. Athrun defected ZAFT and Shinn almost killed him and Meyrin. Luna herself had blamed Athrun, hated him even.

But did any of that change anything? To become trapped in the past, unable to let go of hatred, and spread even more hatred in the world? Just as Shinn was? Just as Ella did?

At this very moment, Luna felt that she understood what Athrun meant during the Battle of Messiah. "You must look to the future," Luna said softly, "You mustn't let the future become the same as your past."

Yes, she must protect that future. Wasn't it why Luna become a Redcoat, so she could protect her sister and fellow citizens of PLANTs? So that the same tragedy wouldn't happen again, meaningless war that killed so many innocent people.

_It's been so long after the war, but at least, I've found my answer. Thank you, Ella, as unintentional as it is, I've finally realized what I have to do. Meyrin and Shinn are still alive, aren't they? I must be there for them, no matter what. Shinn should know what I feel. He deserves to know that at least. No matter what his response is, I'll still be his friend , _Luna made a promise to herself, feeling her old confidence slipping back as she found her purpose of living.

Ella was about to say something when the ground shook as if an earthquake had occurred. Thunderous rumbles of explosions indicated that there was a fight going on, right above their heads.

"What's going on? Are they the terrorists? Why have they come back?" Luna gritted her teeth, trying hard to balance herself.

"I don't know. Ever since I left them, I've lost contact with them," Ella murmured in wonder. She quickly turned on a huge screen and typed a few commands. Luna froze with shock at the visuals - Destiny was fighting against Legend!

"It can't be...Destiny was...nobody can..." _It's Shinn's Mobilt Suit. Only he can pilot it this well. But Legend...Legend is powerful and I'm certain Rey isn't the pilot..right? Shinn said he would never fight in a Mobile Suit again so who...?_

"It's no good, no one can defeat Seth, not with Surtr sending out those inteference waves," Ella muttered to herself.

"Seth?"

"Legend's pilot."

Luna clenched her fists and with the best of her abilities, she climbed up the ladder and stumbled into the cockpit of Core Splendor.

"Well, tell me how to stop that Sur-whatever-its-name-is!"

"Hey, wait, you're not fit to fight yet!" Ella protested, but the determination burning in Luna's eyes stopped her.

"I don't care!" The magenta-head shouted desperately, "I just know I have to help Destiny...I have to!"

"But -" Before Ella could say anything else, another rumble shook the lab so hard that several monitors fell from the table and the ladder fell.

Luna's hands shook with half excitement and panic, but she didn't let go of the controller. A soothing sense of familiarity calmed her raging heart as her fingers typed in the commands effortlessly.

_This is where I belong. This is who I am, a MS pilot. Piloting an air fighter should be no problem for me._

She used all her strength to press onto the pedal. The engine roared into life and Core Splendor shot off into the airway. She fired the missiles and the gateway blasted open, revealing the open sky.

Ella seemed to be telling her something, but she couldn't hear anything since there were too much noise. Her eyes softened and she stared at the blonde in gratitude.

"I'm sorry, Ella. Thank you for everything," she spoke to the speaker, hoping Ella had heard it.

She swerved the plane in an arc expertly, and headed towards the site of battle.

* * *

With a powerful battlecry, Shinn charged at the grey Mobile Suit and slammed the anti-ship sword down hard towards it. 

It seemed the pilot of Legend was a veteran; Lengend intercepted the attack with its beam shield easily, causing series of blinding sparks upon contact.

The cockpit shook furiously, so hard that it made Shinn dizzy. He was too angry to think straight - Rey's words could no longer reach him. All Shinn wanted to do was avenge Luna.

So concentrated on Legend, Shinn didn't notice other units' attacks. Growling in annoyance, he disengaged from Legend and quickly shot down the enemy forces.

Legend took the chance and shot all of his beams at Destiny. The butterfly-like Mobile Suit dodged gracefully and aimed the boomerangs at the opponent. Swinging the double beam sabre expertly, Legend destroyed the boomerang and charged towards Destiny.

Snorting scornfully, Shinn prepared himself for the incoming attack and activated Destiny's palm, ready to destroy...

"What?" He gasped in shock when a fiery-colored Mobile Suit suddenly materialized out of nowhere. The newcomer looked similar to Infinite Justice, but this one's jetpack had cannon-like structures attached to countless wires. The cannons seemed to be shooting something to Destiny...

All of a sudden, Destiny could no longer move - it seemed there was some kind of system malfunction. _Electromagnetic interference! No, it must be something more, specifically targetted at one Mobile Suit..._

Around him, his allies seemed to be faring well against the enemies - their units were still moving, but Destiny wasn't.

"Damn it, dirty trick!" Shinn cursed angrily, unable to block Legend's attack.

Destiny's cockpit was slashed open; Legend didn't waste anytime and immediately shot all its beams at zero-blank range.

It seemed that Legend's first attack made some of Destiny's circuits reconnect - Shinn was able to dodge some of the lethal shots, just barely, though.

Destiny fell onto the earth below with a resounding crash. Shinn felt blood trickling down his lips and grimaced when he saw a few pieces of the cockpit was embedded into his arm and side. From the slashed opening, Shinn spotted Legend diving down to deliver the finishing blow.

_Damn it...if only I have more strength...this is pathetic...I lost? To this bastard? No, I can't die yet, I can't!_

A stranger's voice spoke from the speaker, "Destiny's pilot, Shinn Asuka, correct?"

Shinn glared at the grey Mobile Suit and snarled, not caring the strain it was putting on his body, "Yeah, so what if I am, bastard?"

The voice was cold, "Just so you know, this is revenge to all the Extended you've killed during the war!"

These words hurt Shinn more than the physical injuries. _Revenge? _Images of a green-haired man, a blue-haired man and Stellar flashed in his mind. Chaos, Abyss and Gaia...the Extended...Stellar dying in his arms...

Luna's cheerful grin...revenge...Rey's calm smile and Mayu looking at him adoringly...

There was just too much in the world for one to take revenge on. There were just so many precious things lost, so many innocent's deaths and the frustration at not being able to protect those they cherished...

In this aspect, wasn't everyone the same?

_I've killed many during the war. Perhaps this is my punishment, but I've got to move. I promised Meyrin. I promised myself, I have to find Luna... _Shinn thought faintly as a black haze slowly covered his vision.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of warm hands closing over his. He felt strength rushing into his body and just as Legend was about to stab through his cockpit, Destiny's palm caught the sabre.

A explosion followed when the palm destroyed the weapon, and Legend backed away quickly.

Shinn gaped in shock. What just happened?

_"Don't give up, Shinn. Didn't I tell you? I'll see you tomorrow...I'll always be there for you whenever you need me..." _

The sound of her voice was like melody to his ears. Tears slid down his cheeks at the realization of whose voice it belonged to.

"Stellar..."

Summoning up all his remaining strength, Shinn maneuvered Destiny carefully. The Mobile Suit slowly stood up with uncoordinated movements but hey, it still moved.

"So, you're ready to fight with me one last time, eh, buddy?" Shinn told his unit.

Destiny. Just as Rey had told him long ago, he was given this unit because he was the chosen one - he could change his own destiny. If only he could move Destiny's plasma cannon...

Something red shot across the sky and fired several missiles at the unsuspecting Surtr. The jetpack exploded, and the control's on Destiny seemed so much lighter. Surtr's pilot aimed the beam rifle at the red object and managed to grazed its wings...

Shinn's eyes went wide. It looked different but it was definitely Core Splendor!!!

Not wasting the opportunity, Destiny's plasma beam hit its mark and destroyed Surtr's rifle-wielding arm.

A black battleship materialized from thin air and fired retreat signals. Legend, Surtr and other enemy units retreated immediately. The battleship flew away with amazing agility - there was no way the Minerva could catch up.

Speaking of Minerva, Shinn could spotted his mothership coming from the opposite direction.

"Oi, Asuka, you alright?" Yzak's gruff voice came through the almost static speaker, "Shiho's team fired the signals so we went there first. I thought everything was fine here..."

_Oh yea, the signals_, Shinn thought lazily; he had totally forgotten. He didn't really have the strength to reply. Agonizingly, he dragged himself out of the cockpit, staining the grass below with crimson droplets.

He stumbled across the field, trying to spot the red jet fighter. Smoke was still coming out of its wings, but the plane seemed to be fine. He broke into a painful jog, ignoring stinging pain from his side; he just had to know. He must.

A familiar figure with long magenta hair climbed out of the cockpit slowly, almost falling onto the ground. After steadying herself, she looked up.

Their eyes met. Despite their ragged appearances, they recognized each other instantly.

"Luna!"

"Shinn!"

They ran towards each other automatically. Despite Shinn's injuries and her jagged movements, they embraced each other hard, unable to describe the emotions they felt at that moment.

Luna's hands trembled as she wiped away Shinn's tears and blood. "Shinn, you're-"

He wouldn't let her finish; his lips closed over hers and she responded with equal intensity.

That's right. They needed each other. They were friends first; an unbreakable bond started to form through comradeship. Words weren't needed; they trusted each other. From all the inner turmoil and tragedies in the war, they relied one each other for support. After the war, he thought he didn't care for her that way anymore, and she tried to find what path she should take. They broke apart only to realize how much they meant to each other; they had surpassed the line of friendship long ago. She thought it was fine the way things were, and he still couldn't let go of the past.

It took them both so long how much they meant to each other.

The past was important, yes; memories of your loved ones were hardest to let go of. Therefore, it was more the reason to treasure the future.

_We must work hard, to create a better 'tomorrow', our own future._

-

-

End of Chapter 8

-

-

**A/N:** Yay they reunited! I hope all the stuff about the terrorist isn't too confusing. So, yes, the terrorists are still here and they will reappear again in the future. But Shinn and Luna's story has come to an end. (and longest chapter ever)

For the sequel/companion fic, stay tuned for 'Imperfect', a story of Kira and Lacus. More information will be posted on the epilogue. Oh yes, there's an epilogue after this.

Esmeralda, the OC, her purpose in this story was to make Luna realize things (I know, Ella still took up half the chapter even though I've already cut out several scenes(sigh)). And in upcoming fics...

For those interested about mecha, Surtr and the terrorist's battleship both have Mirage Colloid, same as Blitz' ability. Surtr can emit interference waves during the cloak so no one would know its presence. But if it wants to stop a specific MS, like it did to Destiny, it'd have to discard the cloak.

Thanks for all the supports!

-

-

Athyra


	9. Epilogue Seashell

**_SUMMARY: _**No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, the hole won't heal. Neither would his. Either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)

**_MAIN PAIRING:_ **Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)

_**DISCLAIMER: **This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions_

_**WARNING: **Text and all related materials are rated **PG13/T** and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. OCs alert, but the plot would still be focused on Shinn and Luna._

_**NOTE**: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. _-

8888888888888888888

**Let Go**

8888888888888888888

-

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Epilogue - Seashell**

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

-

_- C.E. 76, September 31, Berlin, Germany - _

Little drops of white descended upon the desolate land of Berlin. The conifers climbing the valley were laden with snow and their tops smoked eeriely amidst the wind.

The evidence of battle cannot be erased; it was etched into the land itself.

_No matter how many times we replant the flowers, people will still blow it away..._

However, little bits of newborn grass could be seen poking through the layers of snow, just barely. A struggle for survival, a desperate attempt to recover from emptiness.

_We will still replant the flowers, no matter how many times it takes. We will protect those flowers._

Within the barren forest, two people trudged on tirelessly through the snow.

Lunamaria Hawke shivered in the cold weather, hugging herself. "I should've kept my hair long," she muttered, her teeth chattering slightly. The red Zaft uniform wasn't really weather-prove after all.

A strong arm envelopped her shoulders, pulling her close to his warm body. Shinn Asuka smiled at her, and gratefully, she stroked his hand with her gloved one.

He looked around the place, a sense of loneliness threatened to engulf his being. Luna squeezed his hand gently encouragingly, and he hugged her closer in reponse.

The two came to a stop in front of a small lump in the snowy field. The lake was completely frozen, devoid of life, yet its surreal beauty was breathtaking. In spite of the vicious battles and deaths that haunted this place for so long, the place was simply, magnificent.

Shinn bent down and dug away the covering, revealing a small grave beneath. There was a frozen bouquet of flowers in front of the grave.

"Someone was here," Shinn murmured, glancing at Luna with questioning eyes.

"Ella..." Luna whispered in amazement, "She was here."

"Esmeralda Louissier, huh," Shinn gazed at the magenta fuchsia flowers. "What happened to her anyways?"

"I don't know," Luna shook her head, "Her lab was completely abandoned. I think she returned to the terrorist organization. No, I think she returned to persuade them to stop their activities. That's why nothing happened after the second Battle at Berlin, right?"

Shinn nodded, "Yeah, that might be it. But we can't let our guard down yet. Eternal is still missing, and Archangel is still being repaired. We need to protect Orb and PLANTs."

"Yes..." she trailed off, lightly grabbing the hem of her uniform. She glanced at Shinn's Orb Military uniform and chuckled, "We both have our own duties now. I guess I'll need to get back to training. My fingers are a bit rusty."

"Me too," Shinn scratched his bandaged, itching head, "I need to train those idiots in Orb, since Athrun's up in space," he paused, "How are you feeling?"

"Silly," she chuckled, "You're a lot more injured than I am. I'm not limping anymore, right? But, thanks for asking," she looked away, blushing.

He stared at her for awhile. "I saw Rey," he spoke finally, deciding that it was the right time to tell her.

She flinched, but she didn't say anything, not even to question him how he met Rey.

Shinn licked his dry lips and continued, "he wanted me to tell you he was sorry and that he'll watch over us."

"Is that so," she closed her eyes and turned away. "Jerk, why doesn't he tell me that himself," she whispered half-heartedly, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

But Shinn could tell that she was happy; of course, Rey will always be with them. The Minerva trio, always.

The two prayed silently in front of the grave. They stood vigilently, disregarding the cold weather and offering their gratitude to the deceased.

"Well, I guess we better get back. Meyrin's going to have a fit if she discovers we'd left the infirmary room," Luna grinned, her eyes twinkling at the thought of her sister.

Taking a deep breath, Shinn stared at her tentatively, "When can we see each other again?"

"Well, if we work even harder, we can reach our goal - achieve the peace this world needs, we can be together whenever we want," Luna looked into the sky and sighed in content.

Shinn smiled and closed his eyes. "Yeah, the future we will create ourselves. All of us. Everyone."

_I'll see you tomorrow, Shinn. _Stellar's voice still echoed in his mind. Of course, it still saddened him to think about the blonde dancer, but there was no more hatred, no more regret.

_Yea, you'll see, Stellar. The peaceful, gentle world I promised you. _

He stood up as Luna put something on the grave. The wind blew soothingly and they fancied that they heard someone's voice.

_Thank you..._

Pausing momentarily, the couple used the time to take in the surroundings, imprinting the scenery into their minds. They smiled at each other and walked away.

There, on the grave, was not only the bouquet of flowers Ella brought, but also a new necklace of seashells that Luna and Shinn made together.

_and good luck._

-

-

End of the story

-

-

**A/N:** YES, another completed fic!!! (Dance around, feeling incredibly proud) Freakishly short, but it's an epilogue...(shifty eyes)

The fic might be edited in the future. I just re-read it myself and discovered a crapload of problems, especially dates... (sweatdrop)

Thank you for all you readers, and special **thanks** to following reviewers:

Housenka, Anime OO Otaku, LeonScoutKennedy, DruggiesLove, cipherknight, Kelly, AthrunCagallimadness, Evian, Asheron Karuma, lewerthy, Smokey-eyed-Beauty, ri-kun, ritachi, 周笨蛋

But **no** thanks to Chelsey **:P** just jk

Okay, so here's what's happening:

The sequel/companion fic mentioned before - **Imperfect**

_Summary _- In the eyes of the public, I'm an ideal leader; through the eyes of my fans, I'm a flawless singer; from the eyes of my friends, I'm an impeccable girlfriend. Yet, I can never be perfect in his eyes. (K x L)

-features Kira and Lacus but unlike this story, they will have a lot more complicated problems and there something else too. The plot consists of event in post-GS, during GSD, and post-Let Go. So in terms of post-Let Go, this fic is a sequel.

It should be up next week...?

-

-

Athyra


End file.
